


4 AUs Where Jin Gets What He Wants and 1 That's Reality

by tinyangl



Category: Johnny's Entertainment
Genre: Gen, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-12-20
Updated: 2008-12-20
Packaged: 2018-07-14 13:04:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 27,730
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7172882
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tinyangl/pseuds/tinyangl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jin's said a lot of things over the years—what kind of different lives would he lead?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. NEWS (with Jin) AU

**Author's Note:**

> Written for je_holiday to shatteredinu, hopefully you'll enjoy this fic and it satisfies the Jin quota. It's a massive fic that probably shouldn't have been as massive as it ended up being. ♥♥ Thanks to my beta (AKA cynicalism) for letting me babble on and _on_ about this fic for so long. For correcting every mistake I've made and helping me better this. It desperately needed it. (Originally posted [here](http://korette-destiny.livejournal.com/33020.html) and [here](http://je-holiday.livejournal.com/35505.html).)

i. "I want to always be with Pi, because when I am with him, even a normal day would become interesting, Pi as a pillar of NEWS is just a kid in front of me."  
\- Myojo ~ November 2004.

**2007.**

"Akanishi! Get your ass back here or I am going to—"

"You'd have to catch me first, Ryo-chan!" Jin yells over his shoulder before coming to a stop in front of a startled Koyama stepping out of the elevator. "Kei-chan!" he says gleefully before the sound of Ryo's yells get closer and closer. "See you later!" he waves to a still stunned Koyama who waves back awkwardly. Ryo dashes by, a streak of blonde, and Koyama just stands there, rather confused and lost before Shige comes by and pats him on the back, leading him into their dance room. "Come on, Ryo-chan!" Jin cries out behind his shoulder. "It was only an innocent joke!"

"Switching my bento with only pickles is _not_ an innocent joke, Akanishi!"

Jin cracks up, his lead faltering as he dashes down the corridor. His misstep causes him to slow down enough for Ryo to catch up to him and tackle him to the ground, tickling his sides. Jin can't even think of resisting; he's too busy laughing. "Everyone else thought it was funny!" he says in between his giggles. Ryo gets up, stopping his attack.

Ryo glares, sitting on Jin's stomach. "Yes, but I'm the one without lunch." 

"It's not like I stole your lunch or anything. I gave it to Shige." Jin grins widely. "Was going to give it to Massu, but thought better of it."

Ryo rises then falls back down, putting all his weight into it.

Jin hides his cough. "You weigh like _nothing_." 

Ryo huffs before getting up and walking back to their practice room. Jin follows behind him, hand on his stomach as he smarts from the impact—small or not, it still hurt. Inside the rehearsal room, most of NewS is already warming up except Massu who’s still eating lunch.

"Shige," Jin calls out, gesturing towards Ryo. "Give Ryo-chan his bento before he starts crying." Ryo punches him in the shoulder as Shige blinks innocently at Jin.

"Eh? That wasn't-" Shige falters, glancing at Massu in the corner of his eye. Jin pales off the glare from Ryo's face. 

"You-You didn't-" Jin stumbles, trying to think of the best escape route out the room and out of Ryo's grasp.

It takes another minute of Shige glancing awkwardly at Massu who's absolutely oblivious to Shige's glances and just chewing his food, chatting nonchalantly with Tegoshi—Jin half-wonders if he's really listening—of Jin's wide eyes and of Ryo's glare. "I didn't," Shige finally says to Jin's enormous relief, pulling out Ryo's still full bento from his backpack and handing it to Ryo. "But I couldn't miss the look on your face."

Jin glares at Shige darkly. "Remember the days when you were quiet and kept to yourself?"

"Yeah, I also remember you picking on me _because_ I was quiet and kept to myself," Shige snorts, bending at the waist to touch his toes.

"Are you saying that _I_ made you this way?"

"Basically, yes." Shige manages to dodge the hit from Jin, only to tumble to the side. Jin takes that as a bit of comeuppance, no matter how small. When he starts to stretch, he finally realizes that their dance instructor is staring at them, and not a good stare at that.

"Hi, sensei?" Jin says weakly. 

His instructor's gaze only narrows.

\--

Sometimes, Jin thinks that he hangs out with Yamapi and Ryo more than one should—not only do they _work_ together being in the same group, but they constantly go out to eat, drink, pick up chicks, maybe karaoke. If it were possible to get a Yamapi and Ryo overload, Jin thinks he reached that point _ages_ ago. 

A pillow hits Jin squarely on the face—a hit Jin takes laughing. "Stop screeching like an alley cat already!" Ryo yells into the microphone. 

"I was _only_ imitating you!" Jin retorts, just as loud as Ryo. 

Yamapi's laughter bounces off the walls before he snatches the microphone from Ryo's hand, continuing the song—although he doesn't do any better than Jin in the matter. He's fortunate though to at least get more than the few seconds Jin was allowed to sing before a pillow flies into his face.

"Seriously! I didn't come to karaoke to get my ear drums shot!" Ryo scowls.

Jin cracks up before the door opens and the rest of NewS comes spilling into the room, bags of food and drinks in hands. The three in the room greet them with equal amount of cheer before Ryo takes the microphone from Yamapi and proceeds to sing the last minute of the song. Jin looks up as Koyama and Shige settle into the couch right beside Yamapi while Tegoshi and Massu sit on Ryo's other side. 

"Hey! Where's my food?!" Yamapi frowns, pushing bags out of his way after looking through them.

Massu passes him the one in his hand. "It's in this one, Yamashita-kun!"

"Ne, Ryo-tan, want to share lunch?" Tegoshi asks, pushing his bento towards Ryo, chopsticks already in hand.

Ryo shrugs. "Sure." Tegoshi feeds him with a grin, asking him if he'd liked it and Ryo grins back, nodding. "Yeah, that was delicious." Jin resists from gagging.

"Ah! Where's my lunch?!" Shige exclaims before digging through the remaining dishes.

Jin blinks, hugging his bento tightly as Shige narrows his eyes in Jin's direction. 

"Eh?! I don't have it!" 

"This isn't revenge for earlier, is it?" Shige scowls.

Jin shakes his head vigorously and Shige makes a lunge towards Jin's bento before Koyama pulls him back, pushing a bento onto Shige's lap. "Baka, this is your lunch. Should pay more attention."

Shige blinks, looking down at his bento. "Ah. Sorry, Akanishi-kun," he says sheepishly.

Jin sticks his tongue out before starting on his food. He can faintly hear Tegoshi starting on a new song with Yamapi singing along underneath his breath beside Jin. Jin resists from grinning—a scene like this one was nowhere near possible when they had first been formed.

\--

**2003.**

When Yamapi and Ryo are called to Johnny's office, Jin is fortunate enough to be around as well, walking with them and coming up with outrageous reasons for why they could possibly be called. Johnny opens the door to let them in and catches sight of Jin hanging around by the couches. 

Jin bows properly—because he knows better than to piss off the President of the Jimusho—before Johnny eyes him and then tells him to come into the office too. Jin's heart practically flies out of his chest as _he_ wonders if he'd done anything bad in the past week or something.

When he enters, it's only Yamapi and Ryo inside and they give Jin a confused look, to which he shrugs in reply. Jin stands next to the two as Johnny takes a seat in front of them.

The next few words out of Johnny's mouth stun the three boys to silence. 

"Wait, what about our old groups?" Yamapi asks helplessly—Jin knows he's thinking of 4Tops. 

Johnny shakes his head at Yamapi. "No need to worry. NewS is only temporary."

Yamapi doesn't let out a breath of relief, but the other two know it's there. 

"The photo shoot for the single will be tomorrow morning, and I need the three of you there at 9 sharp."

They nod at the same time, most likely afraid of anything that would come out of their mouths.

Johnny smiles at them. "Great. Have fun, and don't worry about your old groups. It'll all work out."

\--

Johnny lied. NewS was anything but temporary. Jin can still remember the devastated look on Yamapi's face when 4Tops was officially broken up. It was something he never wanted to see on anyone's face ever again.

\--

But Jin only has to look in a mirror because a week later, he's replaced in KAT-TUN by another A—Akiyama Jun—and is told that he's meant to only focus on NewS. 

Jin confronts Ryo who is fortunate enough to still be in Kanjani8. "Why are _you_ the one that's able to stay in your old group?"

"Only one of us can be around?"

"Uchi's also in two groups," Jin says dryly.

"Because your work ethic sucks," Ryo retorts, changing tracks.

Jin chucks his empty beer can at Ryo's head. "You're not comforting me whatsoever."

"I never signed up for that. Can I back out?"

Jin throws his head in his arms and shuts his eyes, grumpy and depressed. When he opens them next, he realizes with a start that the room's dark and a blanket's resting over his shoulders. He sighs—Ryo's always been a lot nicer than he lets on.

\--

**2004.**

After the announcement that NewS is permanent and that they're releasing another single—Kibou ~Yell~—Jin throws himself into the new group, realizing that he doesn't really _know_ anyone in NewS other than Yamapi and Ryo, and Uchi by proxy. There is a whole other _half_ of the group to know, five (used to be six) members whose names Jin only _vaguely_ knows. One of them being that fanboy of Yamapi's who Jin never failed to use to tease Yamapi.

"Wait, what's that kid's name again?" Jin asks Yamapi as they stand against a wall right before they go onto Shounen Club, pointing at one with dark brownish orange hair. Oh, and single eyelids.

"Koyama," Yamapi sighs, shaking his head. "Remember? He's the one that's going to Meiji? I asked him for advice?"

If Jin's heard that before, he doesn't recall it whatsoever. He nods anyway. "Yeah sure. How about the kid beside him?"

Yamapi pauses as he narrows his eyes at the black-haired kid with random streaks of gold in his hair. "I think… Kusano? Or was that Shige?" 

Yamapi continues pondering which one is which, but Jin's already left him, approaching Shige with a firm "Which are you?"

Shige blinks, turns to Koyama helplessly but all he gets is a weak shrug. "Er. Which?" Shige repeats.

"Yeah. Kusano or Shige?" He can hear the start of Koyama's giggles, but Jin continues with his questions. "I don't mean to be rude or anything, but I just can't keep everyone's name straight and well, it's hard to keep track when half of you don't speak." 

Shige blinks again. "Uh. Shige. I'm Shige, Akanishi-kun."

"Oh, cool then! Nice to actually meet you, Shige." With that, Jin turns on his heel and returns to Yamapi to let him know the answer, and from that, they figure out which one Kusano—the kid with the slight Mohawk that falls over his eyes. 

Still, for at least two months after, Yamapi and Jin don't get the two straight.

Jin hears Koyama patting Shige on the back and telling him that at least it'd make a funny story in the future when they finally _do_ get it right.

(Four years or so later when Shige does remember, he makes it a point to mix up Yamapi and Jin's names for about two weeks. Jin thinks it's absolutely hysterical; Yamapi isn't as fond, but he takes the abuse anyway.)

\--

**2005.**

When Jin _does_ finally get the two straight, he bonds with them in completely different ways—Jin's interest in English had been growing steadily and it turns out that Shige's not half bad at the language himself (even telling Jin a story about how he'd talked to his teacher in English about Johnny's Jimusho—Jin couldn't stop laughing). Kusano is almost, _almost_ as good as Jin is in dancing, and maybe even singing (Yamapi thinks Jin just doesn't want to be overtaken by anyone), and frequently, the two practice together, trying to improve their skills. Tegoshi often joins them—mainly when they're practicing and training their voices; Massu joins them too, but he comes during the dancing lessons.

Jin thinks that even if they are the juniors that came out of nowhere to join their group, they're really not half bad. He even manages to convince Yamapi to come around whenever he's free.

"Please," Ryo snorts when Jin approaches him. "You're kidding, right?" 

"What?" Jin blinks. "It's kinda fun."

" _Working_ more? Who are you and where the hell is Akanishi?" 

Jin sticks his tongue out. "And what do you suggest, genius?"

"If it's singing, then obviously karaoke. Dancing, we could just go _clubbing_. You're such an idiot." 

"We don't want to risk going _clubbing_ just yet. Who's the idiot now?" Jin retorts, arms crossed. 

"Whatever. Just think of something interesting and then I'll think on it."

"You know, you _do_ have to interact with these people."

Ryo gives him a cheeky smile. "I do that enough. Especially when I hang out with you. It's like hanging out with a combination of them."

Jin pauses then shrugs. "Well, in a way that's actually accurate."

"Idiot," Ryo laughs. "Anyway, I gotta get going. Meeting Uchi for some kind of dinner thing."

"'Kay," Jin says, waving as Ryo rushes out of the room, his bag slung over his shoulder.

\--

Jin gets a call from Ryo late that night. "Uchi got caught drinking underage." Jin can't think of what to say to make anything better. "There's going to be a meeting in the morning," Ryo continues after Jin's mouth drops open and closes about five times—he counted—without a single word coming out. 

"Ryo," Jin finally says, the only thing he can think to say.

"I'll see you in the morning," Ryo abruptly says, cutting off any thoughts that could’ve formed in Jin’s head.

"Right. Morning." As soon as the words leave Jin's mouth, the dial tone resonates on the other line. Jin sighs, rubbing a hand against his forehead.

He can't sleep for the rest of the night.

\--

Nobody knows how to act around Ryo for weeks after the news of Uchi's headline and suspension—to be fair, Ryo doesn't make it easy for anyone. He sits off to the side of the rehearsal room, making it a point that nobody goes near him and scowling when someone approaches even if it's Yamapi or Jin. 

"Are we going to keep tiptoeing around Nishikido-kun?" Shige asks Jin, frowning as Jin helps him with his stretches.

"I guess." Jin has an identical frown on his face. "He won't even talk to Yamapi. That's when you know it's bad."

"At least he hasn't been drinking," Yamapi says darkly. 

"I don't think Nishikido-kun can be around alcohol right now anyway," Tegoshi points out. They all watch as Ryo stretches, not looking at any of the other members.

"Stop _staring_ at me," Ryo barks suddenly from across the room and everyone's gaze abruptly switches from Ryo to each other. Still, nobody can really concentrate.

\--

Halfway through Ryo's shooting of One Litre of Tears, Jin realizes that Ryo's suddenly acting normal again. "Are you okay?" Jin asks out of the blue after Ryo shoves Shige lightly, laughing at some stupid joke he'd made.

Ryo raises an eyebrow. "Idiot." He turns away, striking up a new conversation with Koyama. Jin doesn't care to elaborate when he sees the grin on Ryo's face; Jin thinks he's doing just fine.

\--

**2006.**

It's Massu who calls him when the next big thing happens—they'd arranged a sort of system so if something happened, not one person would have to do all the calling. It'd started after Yamapi had found out about his co-starring role with Kame in Nobuta wo Produce, and even though Yamapi had spent half the night calling everyone, he _still_ managed to miss one person. (Tegoshi came into work the next day devastated and wondering what this meant for NewS if Yamapi was going to make a single with Kame. Jin spent an hour calming Tegoshi down, and then another hour arranging the phone system with Koyama.)

"It's Kusano," Massu says simply, sounding near tears.

"What about Kusano?" Jin asks, sitting up abruptly in his bed and throwing off the blankets. He's practically ready to fly out the door and race to the hospital if need be.

"He got caught drinking." Jin can feel his stomach plummet within seconds.

"What?" Jin asks, voice cracking in the middle.

"There's going to be a meeting in the morning. I think we're really in trouble this time," Massu says, choking on his words. 

"No, nono. It'll be fine. I don't…" Jin licks his lips. "It'll be fine. I'm sure it's just a mistake. Kusano wouldn't do something like that."

"Un," Massu replies. "I'll let you go so you can call Ryo then."

"Right." Jin's not really paying attention, wondering what he _is_ going to say to Ryo. Massu's gone before Jin realizes and Jin stares at his cell phone, Ryo's number in front of him. He doesn't know what he's going to say, but he feels bad for Ryo who has to call Tegoshi right after. He feels doubly bad for being relieved in a sense.

\--

The news ends up not being good. NewS is suspended without any information about if they're coming back and if yes, when. 

Jin hates that the plummeting in his stomach feeling hasn't left for half a year. He thought it had—he thought they were okay, happy, finally _recovered_ from everything. Everyone's faces—corners of their lips down, eyes refusing to meet Kusano's, and the absolute _quiet_ —they're _never_ quiet, not if Jin could help it—says so much more.

When they leave the office, Kusano collapses against a nearby wall, tears streaming down his face but no words coming out of his mouth. Everyone just watches him; none of them can say a word. Tegoshi's hands clutch Massu's arms and Jin can see his silent tears stream down his face. 

"Did you drink?" Ryo asks harshly, breaking the silence after a good five minutes. 

"No!" Kusano insists. "I wouldn't! Not after-" His words stop there as Yamapi places a firm hand on his shoulder.

"We believe you, Kusano." His voice is rough, a different kind of rough—like he's trying his best not to break out into tears. "We can get through it. It's just a little bump."

"But it's _not_ ," Jin hears himself say. He claps a hand over his mouth, startled by the sound of his own voice. Everyone's eyes are on him and Jin suddenly feels like shrinking, disappearing. Despite his better judgment, Jin elaborates, "It's not just a _little_ bump. We're disbanded. Put on hiatus for who knows how long. Maybe forever."

Ryo growls next to him, and next thing Jin knows, Ryo's pushed him up against the wall. "We _know_ that already! We don't need you to repeat it back to us."

"Stop it!" Yamapi yells as Koyama and Shige pull Ryo off Jin, although it doesn't take them much effort. Jin slumps against the wall as Tegoshi and Massu rush to his side, Massu helping to keep him upright. "We should just go home, get some sleep. We have the rest of the tour left and the announcement," Yamapi says firmly. 

Jin looks up to meet Yamapi’s eyes. Yamapi refuses to look at him though, sharply turning towards Kusano. "I'll take Kusano home and let his parents know what happened."

They make nods of agreement, even a noise from some of them. And slowly, they walk through the front door of the building, not sure when the next time they'll enter as a _group_.

Jin finds himself at some family restaurant with Koyama and Shige—glasses of water in front of them, but not a single word to be spoken. Jin likes it better that way.

\--

The tour is completely and utterly awkward, to say the least. On stage, the remaining 7 members manage to put on a good enough show—smiles and conversation and playfulness, despite everyone in the audience knowing what's to come. Backstage though, Jin hates how suddenly they've regressed back to the time they first came together.

In a way, Jin wonders if he made it worse by saying what he had said. But he pushes the thought out of his head, tries hard to anyway, and lets everyone act as cold and distant as they had way back when. 

While Jin hates this whole situation, half of him is relieved—it'll be much easier to break ties when they're not friends.

Jin hates himself more for thinking like this.

\--

Jin thinks it's slightly hysterical when he hears that KAT-TUN's going to debut in the middle of NewS' tour. "No hard feelings?" Kame asks when most of the members—minus Akiyama who doesn't know Jin enough to intrude—drop by Jin's apartment to tell him the news. 

"I'm not part of your group anymore," Jin says honestly. "I haven't been for years. You didn't need to come here for my permission." He walks inside his apartment, leaving the door open for the rest to enter.

Koki and Ueda exchange looks before Koki comments, "But it has to sting. Going on hiatus and watching your other group debut."

"When you put it that way," Jin jokes, pulling out beers from his refrigerator and passing them to the others. "Look," Jin says, popping off the cap and taking a swig of beer. "The way I see it, you guys deserve it after everything. You can't even say KAT-TUN is my _other_ group when it's been 3 years since we've worked together."

"But," Nakamaru starts, the beer of bottle unopened in his hands. 

"Hey. All I can say or should say is "Congratulations." And you worked hard for this debut." Jin gives them a crooked smile before lifting his bottle up to them and taking another swig. "Now, why don't you guys open up those beers and stay over for a while? I could use the company."

They exchange glances before Taguchi says enthusiastically, "We should've come _panning_ then!"

Jin blinks before taking the beer away from Taguchi. "Maybe not with you." Taguchi beams and Jin rolls his eyes, handing it back. "Some things never change, huh?"

"Tell us about it," Koki snorts before they settle on Jin’s couch.

\--

Jin only gets the idea of going to America after he talks to one of his friends, some stupid friend who makes some off-handed remark about how if Jin likes speaking in English so much, why doesn't he go to America?

It gets Jin thinking though—why _doesn't_ he go to America? He doesn't have anything particularly tying him to Japan at that moment—not when he doesn't have any acting jobs, not when NewS is on "hiatus," not when his friends aren't really talking to him anymore.

"That sounds like a good idea," Johnny says when Jin goes to his office to ask for permission. "It'll give you something to do during the break, and it'll be something to bring back to the group when you come back."

"Yes, sir," Jin murmurs. "Thank you for the opportunity." He only says that second part to be polite, because as Koyama once told him, politeness will get you honey, curtness will get you bees. (Jin swore that Koyama had made the phrase up, but after Jin had been nice to their dance teacher—who, admittedly, did not like Jin whatsoever—Jin managed to get even a "Well done" which he would never have gotten before. Koyama had shot him a please grin when he'd heard that.)

When Jin leaves the room, he isn't quite sure he's ready for what he's done. But in the end, what's done is done. Jin walks out of the building, ready to tell everyone his big—maybe good, maybe bad—news. 

\--

Koyama and Massu are overwhelmingly happy for him. "Good for you!" Massu cheers as they talk over slices of cake. "It'll be exciting, ne? Going to America and learning more English."

"I'll help you pack and prepare!" Koyama says cheerfully, even though they both know that the job will probably end up being done the day before Jin's flight.

Shige, predictably, takes the more educational route. "Well, you have to prepare for it. Make sure you choose the right school too."

Yamapi doesn't say much, not that Jin'd expected him to. He's stoic to the end, especially as of late, and Jin wonders if Yamapi realizes how dark the bags are under his eyes. "Pi," Jin starts.

"I think that's great," Yamapi says with a crooked smile. He stirs his iced tea with his straw, ice clinking against the glass. "When you come back, you'll have to teach me something."

Jin agrees, then jokes, "But it'll be hard to teach you how to be as awesome as me." Yamapi punches him lightly on the shoulder.

His meeting with Tegoshi turns out better than he'd expected—Jin had been strangely worried about it. "That's really exciting!" Tegoshi chirps. "Do you think Johnny-san will let me join you?"

Jin laughs a little. "Not when you're in the middle of shooting a drama."

"True. But My Boss, My Hero should be ending soon!" Tegoshi laughs again. "Maybe I can join you afterwards."

"Interested in learning English?" Jin asks, a little surprised at Tegoshi's insistence.

"Not really," Tegoshi answers, but stops there and moves on to another topic—soccer. It takes Jin until the end of the day to realize that Tegoshi's insistence was something closer to Jin's heart—he wasn't (and shouldn't think he was) the only one smarting from the split up.

It's Ryo who makes Jin really _think_ about his decision. Jin goes to his apartment in Tokyo on the last night before he goes to Osaka for some job with Kanjani8.

"Come on, Akanishi! Who do you think you're kidding?" Ryo growls, kicking a nearby wall. "You really think _now_ is a good time to leave? _Now_? After everything we've gone through, you decide to go to L.A.?" Ryo doesn't add the thought "When we need you the most?" but Jin can hear it hanging at the end of his questions—an accusation.

Jin wavers under Ryo's harsh gaze, but Jin knows what _he_ wants, what _he_ needs. "It's _because_ of everything that's going on," Jin says quietly. 

"Fine, asshole," Ryo says—voice eerily steady. He picks up a nearby pillow, chucking it at Jin's face with as much strength as he can muster; Jin doesn't dare to move. "Get out of here. Run if you like." Jin half wonders if Ryo's only talking about his apartment.

Jin does as he says though, leaves Ryo's apartment quietly, not feeling any better than when he'd arrived—not that he'd actually _expected_ to feel better. When Jin finally leaves, he doesn't see Ryo—just the uncomfortable glances from the NewS members as they see him off. 

For the entire time Jin's in L.A., Ryo's words always hover somewhere in the back of his head and Jin can't stop himself from wondering if that was what he was doing by leaving Japan.

But then one of his friends passes him a beer and Jin forgets the question for another day.

\--

All of NewS is at the airport when Jin comes back from America, albeit scattered all over to avoid notice. It's Koyama and Shige that meet him at the gate, and Jin's more than surprised to see them. 

"Shouldn't you _not_ be here?" Jin asks, eyes wide as he clutches his bag tighter.

"Don't worry," Shige grins. "Johnny slipped the reporters the wrong date. They think you're coming back tomorrow."

Koyama gives Jin a once over, tilts his head to the side and mumbles, "You've been eating a lot, haven't you?"

Jin wraps an arm around his waist, frowning. "I know I've gotten chubbier, but-"

"You look good," Koyama reassures him. "Happier than when you left."

"Eh?" But before Jin can ask him to elaborate, they run into Tegomass. Tegoshi tackles Jin with a hug, looking much different than Jin can remember which Jin says right off the bat.

"Puberty," Shige mumbles underneath his breath, but Jin manages to hear him and laughs in response.

"Eh? What'd you say, Shige?" Tegoshi asks, blinking innocently—he seems to have gotten that down pat while Jin was gone.

Massu shakes his head. "It wasn't anything, Tegoshi," he responds after Shige shakes his head, refusing to say a word. 

"Ah. Also, I saw the news about your single. Congratulations!" Jin says, grinning at the two.

Massu and Tegoshi look down, slightly flushing at it. "Thanks," Massu replies. 

"Your English was atrocious though."

Tegoshi sticks his tongue out. "Sorry we're not as great as you are, Akanishi-kun."

"If only, if only?" Jin jokes before Massu laughs, helping Jin pull the last of his suitcases from the baggage claim.

When they reach the doors, Jin is mildly disappointed to see only Yamapi—Yamapi with his cap pulled down so low that Jin thinks it must be cutting off circulation and huge sunglasses that they take up half his face. "Welcome back, Bakanishi."

Jin engulfs him in a hug so tight that even Jin loses sense of breathing for as long as it lasts. "I'm glad to _be_ back," Jin murmurs—and it's striking to him just how true the words are. 

"Idiots. How long are you going to stand there?" The words cause Jin to pull back from Yamapi sharply, practically tossing him aside as he stares straight at Ryo who's standing by the doorway, hands stuffed in his pockets. 

"Ryo." Jin hadn't at all expected Ryo to be there—but he'd hoped. They hadn't spoken for six—no, seven months after all. "You're-"

"Stupid. Of course I'd come to see if you were still alive or not," Ryo says curtly, but Jin doesn't care. He takes five steps forward and pulls Ryo into a tight hug. "I'm not made of fluff like you are! Stop squeezing!" Ryo yelps.

Jin doesn't feel like ever letting go.

\--

Jin returns mid-December, just in time for Johnny to tell them—thankfully not last minute—that they're returning as a group for Countdown. They cheer all around him, although they try to keep it as low-key as possible, until Johnny drops the final bit.  
"As seven, you'll go back on stage and announce that NewS is back from hiatus."

"Wait, seven?" Jin blurts out—the first one to do so; the others chime in right after.

"Yes. Kusano and Uchi are going to be demoted to trainees as punishment, and no telling if they'll be back in your group."

They're stunned to silence, and that's the same state they're in when they leave the room. "Trainees," Massu echoes after minutes pass.

"It's gotta be temporary," Tegoshi says—Jin can just hear the hope in his voice. "In time, they'll be back, ne?"

"Sure," Yamapi replies, although he doesn't sound like he has much hope at all. "But for now, we gotta work hard. We're actually coming _back_."

"Knew this day would finally come," Koyama says, grinning at them. Jin looks around the room, meeting everyone's eyes—hopeful, positive, excited. Nervous, anxious, confused. Scared.

\--

**2007.**

It's not simple for them to come together again—they've all changed in their own way. Yamapi pushes it off as them separating, learning different things and then bringing all those things into a brand new NewS, but Jin knows he's faltering as much as the rest of them.

Tegoshi's older now, more adept at the business—not the innocent kid they remembered clinging onto Massu's arm, hoping everything would be all right. He'd also grown into his looks as well, and even though Shige had been joking, it was like he'd hit puberty.

Massu's responsibility expanded when Tegomass debuted, and he'd taken the brunt of the work, especially when it came to taking care of Tegoshi and making sure that he would be able to deal with the evils of celebrity. 

Shige's become more conscientious of everything around him—always calculating the best move, or what people were feeling to act accordingly. He'd also felt the bittersweet taste of being forgotten and lonely—of wondering if quitting was his only solution.

Koyama'd felt helpless during the hiatus, and he'd taken that emotion and turned it into his work—working harder than Jin could remember him ever doing. He became more active all of a sudden, always pushing, pushing and pushing. Jin could see the worry sitting somewhere behind his gaze.

Ryo had gotten used to working with Kanjani8—he's quieter than usual, and always watching, just watching. He isn't as curt as he used to be, more pensive and Jin didn't know if he missed the poison tongue or not. Jin wasn't entirely sure this was a good thing or not.

Yamapi's change is the most drastic, Jin thinks. He’s hard now—having made it in the entertainment industry with a solo single, also messing up and bouncing from it easily (not easily at all if the phone call after the recording at around 6 in the morning was any indication). He's more of a leader than he had been way before, but he's also much colder, more calculating. Jin definitely doesn't like it.

Jin doesn't think he’s changed, not _really_. Except scattered remarks from the others tell him otherwise.

"You've become more vocal, haven't you?" Shige says during a discussion for their return tour. 

"More manly!" Tegoshi chimes.

"Lay off the food already. I know you were starving, but geez." Ryo snatches the bag of chips away from him (which leads Jin to say that Ryo needs to eat more – Jin thinks he only set himself up for that).

"You've been thinking before you speak, haven't you?" Yamapi asks during one of their dinners. "That's weird." Jin refuses to say that Yamapi's been doing the same lately.

"You haven't had much energy. Are you tired?" Massu asks, worry laced in his voice before he hands Jin one of his favorite energy drinks. "It'll help at least a little."

Koyama watches him a lot more than he'd like. "America was rough on you, wasn't it?" he asks when they're resting during rehearsal. "You seem like you were broken." Jin closes his eyes and vehemently denies it—at least, half of the statement is a lie. It isn't America that breaking him though.

In the end, Jin feels like everyone's walking on eggshells.

Maybe even himself. _Maybe._

\--

"This is ridiculous," Jin mutters under his breath. NewS has been straining at the seams ever since their return, some unspoken tension that nobody can really pinpoint.

"What?" Koyama asks, the closest to him as they relax in the baths after their last concert in Taipei.

"Nothing, nothing." Jin sighs before dunking his head in the water, eyes closed.

That same night in the privacy of their room in the inn, the members of NewS (minus Tegoshi because they refuse to even risk it) get plastered. Tegoshi looks at them with sour faces, sipping on his Coke. "You're all so _loud_ ," he complains, one finger pressed in his ear.

"You're just jealous," Jin laughs, an arm thrown around Tegoshi's shoulders. "Just take a sip already."

"No way!" Koyama cries out, knocking Jin's cup out of his grip—Jin stares at the stain spreading on the rug, he sniffles. "We're not going to have another _scandal_."

"We've had too much of _those_ already," Ryo sniffs, throwing back another cup of sake.

"We say as we spend a night _drinking_ ," Massu says—he'd only had a small amount of alcohol, making him the closest to sanity other than the completely sober Tegoshi.

"Oh, come on. Enjoy yourselves. We just finished an international concert," Yamapi sighs, taking another drink himself. 

Shige sniffles suddenly; everyone's gaze falls on his shaking shoulders. "You know," he starts, hiccuping. "I love you, guys!" 

Jin's mouth falls open, as does Ryo's while Koyama crawls his way over to Shige, hands firmly on Shige's shoulders. "I love everyone too, Shige!" Koyama cries out, pulling Shige into a hug. "Me too!"

Yamapi stares at the sobbing mess before turning to Tegoshi, half-squinting as he does so. "How much has he had to drink?"

Tegoshi scoffs. "Like half a bottle of sake."

Jin stares at the small containers before saying, "Wow, he's a bad drinker."

"He's a newly formed adult?" Ryo says before laughing.

"No really!" Shige cries out, startling everyone. "I think NewS is great. We've gone through so much, and yet. And yet," Shige sniffles again, messily rubbing the back of his hands against his face. "We're still here. Together. Drinking sake like adults."

"Or Coke like a kid," Tegoshi inserts dryly.

"Stop complaining." Jin chucks his pillow at Tegoshi's head. "You have like a month to go, then you can be the slobbering mess." Tegoshi only sticks his tongue out before sucking on his straw.

"Okay, Shige," Yamapi says, moving over to help Shige calm down and pulling the sake bottle away from him. "Let's get you into bed. I think you've had too much to drink."

"I don't ever want us to separate," Shige mumbles, just as they're putting the sheets back on him.

"We won't, don't worry." Koyama nods, trying to add emphasis, or to convince himself—Jin's not entirely sure.

"Then why are we still acting so _weird_?" Shige whines, sitting back up and kicking away the sheets.

They freeze and Jin exchanges glances with Koyama, eyes wide. 

"What?" Ryo asks slowly—as though that would help Shige understand. As though Shige _couldn't_ understand the question.

"We're still awkward. We're pretending that everything's okay. But we all lost something in the hiatus. Like, like. I don't know. Just. Everything's _weird_." Shige frowns, head tilted to the side as he stares at some point in the floor—trying so hard just to _think_. "It shouldn't be weird. Not anymore."

"It's not," Koyama says with reassurance. "It's okay between us."

Shige looks up at Jin with puppy dog eyes—at Jin likely because he's the closest. "Really?"

Jin has to close his eyes to answer, dots filling the darkness. "Yeah. It's okay." Jin's not sure if it's the alcohol that's affecting his stomach, but he feels queasy as the words leave his mouth. It doesn't matter because when he opens his eyes next, Shige's conked out on the bed and everyone's just staring at him.

"Is it really?" Tegoshi asks, taking another sip.

Jin looks Tegoshi in the eyes. "You tell me."

Tegoshi never answers him, not unless the sound of him sucking on air and ice is supposed to be the answer.

\--

After that night, they all make some sort of weird effort to change—Jin's not sure how he notices, but he does. Ryo pays more attention to everyone's schedule, making sure that everyone does what they're supposed to. 

"I know you're _tired_ , stupid, but imagine how mad at yourself you'll be if you don't do your absolute best on that test." Jin raises an eye as he leans against the cafe's table. Ryo hangs up his phone and returns Jin's gaze. "That was just Shige. He has some law test or whatever."

"Nice," Jin says easily, only because he doesn't want Ryo to be embarrassed (Ryo tends to hit when he's embarrassed and Jin would rather not get more bruises; Jin gets teased enough about those).

Jin and Massu end up being semi-teachers, helping out whenever someone needs help with a dance move or a problem with the lyrics or with the melody and harmony. "Can't be helped," is a common phrase for them and the other members frown when they use it.

"You make it sound like we're really sad for asking you for help," Koyama points out, frowning.

"It's never in that sense," Massu insists. "We just think it's funny you come to us for help." 

"I'd never go to Jin for help," Ryo snorts. 

Jin sticks his tongue out. "Then learn the routine during the bridge on your own." Ryo's eye twitches. Massu cracks up.

"Can't be helped?" Massu asks. Ryo sighs while Koyama shakes his head.

Koyama's calls get more frequent. "Are you eating?" "Are you sleeping properly?" "Have you gone to the doctor lately?" "Have you gotten that new pack of condoms yet?" (The last one being more of a joke text to Jin. He was on a date when it arrived and his date did _not_ appreciated it—Koyama couldn't stop laughing after Jin had told him.)

Tegoshi and Shige become proper adults in more than one sense—realizing the real weight of the job they had as Johnny's idols—not that they hadn't known to begin with. But after turning 20, something inside them switches and they work harder than ever. They seem to become much more aware of themselves—like when Shige got his haircut.

"Holy shit," Jin breathes when Shige walks into the room. Immediately, Shige stops, hand in his hair as he frowns.

"Does it look bad?" Shige asks, worried. "I thought I'd try something new."

Koyama reaches over, eyes wide. "It's so _short_."

"Is that a mohawk?" Ryo asks.

"Kinda yeah." Shige bites the bottom of his lip.

Massu says cheerfully, "I like it! It looks nice."

Shige blinks at him, then shakily asks, "Really?"

"Mm-hmm!" Massu repeats. Tegoshi agrees along with him. And one by one, the rest of the members chime in their approval for Shige's new haircut. 

"Thanks," he breathes out in relief. "I was a little fearful."

"Just glad you didn't come in blonde," Jin jokes, glancing sideways at Ryo who only gives him the middle finger.

"I'm not that crazy," Shige retorts. Ryo uses his other hand to flash Shige the middle finger as well. Jin can't stop laughing.

Yamapi, for his part, tries hard to make sure they were talking more—communicating about the activities and putting things together. Jin realizes he was really growing into his role as a leader—more than he'd been willing to accept only so little years ago.

It's not easy for them, but one step at a time does eventually lead up to the door they'd been searching for all that time.

\--

**2008.**

A year after Countdown, after their return, Jin takes the hands of his band mates as they stare out at the roaring crowd. The lights blind him, but he squints through the pain. Next to him, Yamapi's grin stretches across his face; his grip tightens and Jin's grip tightens in turn. Yamapi laughs loudly. On his other side, Koyama's trying to fight through the tears, but failing horribly.

Jin has to practically scream to be heard, but he does it anyway. "Koyama, you're such a baby!"

"So what!" Koyama yells back, laughing as he wipes back his tears with the back of his hand, refusing to let go. 

Down the line, Jin can see the grins and laughter and tears of his band mates—no, close friends. They all exchange glances as Yamapi yells into the microphone. "Sen no!"

In one loud, clear yell without aid of microphones, NewS comes together. "We are NewS!"

Jin feels his heart swell with pride.


	2. Soccer Player AU

ii. [But in reality, even now I still want to be a professional soccer player!! (laugh) Rather, when I grow up I'm really going to be a pro soccer player!! I'll take the offer the second it comes (laugh).](http://bonjovial.livejournal.com/811760.html)  
\- Vivi ~ July 2008

**2006.**

"Why'd you take this job again?" Hiro snipes as they watch some pop idols try to warm up before challenging them at soccer.

Jin snorts. "Look who's talking. Aren't you standing with me for a reason?"

"Only because _someone_ has to watch over you."

"You just want to kick some idol ass," Jin jokes, grinning as one of the guys in the group—weren't they called KAT-TUN or something?—looks Jin in the eye and smirks. As though he could easily score or block one of Jin's kicks. Jin didn't hold back the roll of his eyes.

"Stop. We're here to make _nice_ ," Hiro scolds under his breath. 

"Yeah, well, nobody gave _them_ that memo," Jin sneers.

After the idols gracefully receive their challenge (some more gracefully than others—the one with the big nose doesn't seem quite happy with the idea of challenging actual soccer players, especially when the batsu game is something like getting pelted by soccer balls), Jin thinks that this is when the real fun begins. 

"Go easy on them," Hiro says before Jin approaches the scoring line. "It's not like they're actual pros."

"But then that'd ruin _my_ fun," Jin snorts. Hiro rolls his eyes at him.

At the end of the game, KAT-TUN manages to get three scores to Jin and Hiro's two and Jin scowls in the back as Hiro pats him on the back comfortingly. "I can't believe you went _easy_ on them," Jin huffs.

"Hey. That's what we were told, okay? It's not like I wanted to do that anymore than you did."

"Sell out."

"Pansy."

"Hey! You're the jerkwad that _lost the game_ ," Jin retorts.

"And even serious, you still missed a goal."

Jin pauses. "So my aim got away from me for a second there, so what?"

"Yeah… I don't think our captain will think the same." Jin shoves Hiro before walking across the gym, heading towards the lockers before one of the guys—the bald one—stops Jin to shake his hand. 

"Hey! I know we didn't introduce ourselves properly yet, but I'm Tanaka Koki. That was a fun game."

Jin puts on his "I'm only doing this to be nice" smile as he shakes Koki's hand. "Yeah, that was pretty fun. Too bad we lost."

"Well, you were trying to take it easy on us so not surprised."

Jin makes a noise that's half agreement, half aggravation (because he knows the truth of it in the end), then plasters a smile on his face. "You guys did well though." Jin pauses before adding as an afterthought, "For idols anyway."

Koki's eyebrow goes up just as Hiro's hand hits Jin on the back. "Hey, Akanishi. Making buddy-buddy, I see." Hiro gives Koki a nod. "Hey, Taka-"

"Takasaki Hiroyuki," Koki continues with a grin. "The other Urawa Reds forward." When both Jin and Hiro give him raised eyebrows, Koki shrugs. "I follow a little football."

"Oh, really?" Hiro says; Jin can tell he's a little impressed that an idol would even _follow_ any bit of football. "So what'd you think of our last game?"

Jin groans. "You're just bringing that up because you managed to score the winning goal."

"And you're bitter because you _missed_ your goal."

"Screw off."

"And you're epic fail, dude." Jin scowls as Hiro throws an arm over Jin's shoulders. "It's okay. We kinda love you anyway. Or at least, half the team does. The other half thinks you're an ignorant twat, but they're not wrong in that." 

"Is that supposed to comfort me because it doesn't."

"It's not supposed to."

Jin throws Hiro a face before Koki starts laughing – Jin realizes that he'd forgotten that Koki had even been standing there in the first place. "Are you guys always like that?"

"Pretty much, yeah," Hiro jokes. "It's our way of showing our love."

"Through abuse? Don't I know that," Koki snorts. Jin raises an eyebrow, but one of Koki's team—no, band mates calls for him. "Well, it was nice talking to you guys and thanks for the game. Maybe next time, we can actually play seriously. There are a lot of football fans in the Jimusho."

"That sounds good!" Hiro says enthusiastically, pulling out his cell phone—from where, Jin doesn't want to know—and gesturing for Koki to give his number. 

After Koki leaves and his number successfully saved to Hiro's phone, Jin raises an eyebrow at Hiro. "What was that about?"

"Hey. Do you _know_ the kind of ass you could get hanging around idols?"

Jin rolls his eyes, shoving Hiro away from him. "Fuck that. I don't need idols to get any sort of ass," Jin says over his shoulder as he continues to the locker rooms.

"Do not mock the ass!" Hiro calls out, following behind Jin. "They are precious and we are unworthy of their presence. Unless we are with the mythical idols." Jin gives Hiro a face before shaking his head.

\--

Jin meets up with Koki and some of his idol friends not too long afterwards, only because Hiro insisted on his going. And it’s only after Hiro’s whining that he would _always_ go where Jin wants because he's a _true_ friend like that, that Jin folds.

"But if this ends up sucking, I'm out of there in a heartbeat," Jin warns as the two try to make their way to the bar which is practically inaccessible from the main entrance.

"Oh please, they're idols. They know how to have fun."

"You say as if you've known them for ages," Jin says dryly.

"Eh, close enough. Know one, know the rest," Hiro jokes.

"I'm sure they'd _love_ to hear that concept."

"Already heard it," Koki inserts, voice coming from behind them.

Jin jerks back in surprise, meeting Koki's amused expression. "Where the hell-" he starts, but before he can even get the question out, Koki answers it. "Saw you guys coming from the dance floor and thought I'd help you to the bar."

"We're not that helpless," Jin grumbles.

Hiro only elbows him. "Thanks! Where are your buddies?"

"Ah, most of them are on the floor already. Two are probably still at the table, throwing back shots." 

Jin raises an eyebrow. "Drinking a fond pastime for you idols?"

"Not for you?"

"Only occasionally, but we like to take care of our bodies," Jin half-sneers.

If Koki hears the bite in his voice, he doesn't acknowledge it, instead pushes them successfully towards the bar. "Well, how about tonight be one of those exceptions?" Koki asks, grinning. Hiro nods towards Jin, his eyes pleading. 

"Fine. But only a beer, okay?"

Koki and Hiro cheer, immediately ordering that beer for Jin. That gives Jin the time to turn around and observe the club; the dance floor has parted in the middle, leaving room for the two males—Jin's a little surprised when he realizes that the other person is _not_ a female—grinding along with the beat. 

"That's Ueda and Kame," Koki clarifies for Jin (even if he really didn't care to know). "You met them that day too." 

Jin blinks, slightly amazed because he can't really _remember_ them – at least not from just the shape of their bodies and the obscured expressions on their face.

Before Jin realizes it, Koki's leading them towards the tables, and the table they stop at is occupied by two people – their table already filled with at least 7 shot glasses, and that's not including the ones in their hand. "God, already?" Koki snorts, raising an eyebrow at the guys. "We've only been here for ten minutes."

"We're finally on break," the brunette half-slurs. "I plan on enjoying tonight with lots and _lots_ of alcohol."

"And maybe some ass," his friend adds, grinning before the two clink their glasses together and throw back their alcohol. Jin winces when one of them makes a guttural groan, visibly wincing at the burn of his drink. 

"That's Yamapi," Hiro tries to whisper to Jin, gesturing with his head at the brunette. "And the other one's his best friend, Ryo."

"What the hell, Hiro," Jin hisses. "Do you follow their _Jimusho_ or something?"

"I could've been a Johnny's boy," Hiro grumbles before stepping forward to introduce himself to the other two. Jin frowns before he moves to Hiro's side.

"That's Akanishi Jin," Koki says. "Yamashita Tomohisa and Nishikido Ryo. Other members of Johnny's Jimusho, but they work in another group."

"Nice to meet you," Jin says. It takes him a few seconds to realize why one of those names sounds so familiar and when it finally comes to him, Jin is more than glad that the club's dark so nobody can see him flush.

"Yeah, you too," Ryo says—he sounds more sober than the other one does, who is already slurring through his words. 

"How much has this guy had to drink?" Koki asks Ryo.

Ryo shrugs. "By the time I picked him up at his apartment, he was already plastered. Looks like he got an early start."

Yamapi laughs, sloppily leaning an elbow against their table. "Like I said, I'm _enjoying_ tonight." He tilts his head to the side as he stares at Jin with a gaze so intense that Jin looks at the others in panic. "You look slightly familiar," he says, pointing a finger in Jin's near vicinity. 

"Well, he's a popular football prayer," Koki supplies, putting his beer down. "You've probably caught sight of him on television or something."

"No, no," Yamapi mumbles. "He looks much more familiar than that. Where are you from?"

Jin raises an eyebrow. "Tokyo?"

"Wow, so specific," Yamapi deadpans, but he doesn't press the issue. Instead, he throws back another shot. Jin frowns, only taking a small sip of his beer. "What?" Yamapi snaps when he sees Jin's eye on him.

"Nothing. Just... You're drinking a lot, aren't you?" Hiro elbows him sharply in the side. 

Yamapi blinks, leaning an elbow against the table and trying to get close to Jin without having to actually walk around. "What's it to you?"

Ryo sighs, grabbing the newly filled shot glass from Yamapi's hand. "He's right, you know." Yamapi grabs the shot back and chokes it down before anyone can say anything.

"And I don't give a shit about some stranger's opinion," Yamapi says eloquently before stepping down from the high stool and grabbing Koki's hand, dragging him towards the dance floor—Jin can hear Koki's yelp of surprise, but once his feet touch the floor, Koki doesn't seem to mind.

"Sorry about that. Pi's not usually that high strung," Ryo says, taking a sip of his water. "We're just going through a lot lately." Ryo stops there and even though Jin is absolutely curious, he doesn't ask anything further. 

"Ah," Jin says instead, before taking another swig of his beer. He winces a bit as he swallows, wondering what the hell kind of beer this place sells.

"Well, I don't think Koki got the chance to introduce us," Hiro inserts after a minute of silence. "I'm Takasaki Hiroyuki and this is Akanishi Jin. We're from the Urawa Reds." Ryo gives him a blank stare and Hiro falters in his introduction. "A football team?"

"Ah. Football."

Jin snickers before taking another swig. Then pauses when he realizes he's finished his beer. "Hiro," he frowns. "My beer's done."

"Then order some more," Hiro says off-handedly as he takes a swig of his own.

Jin pouts. "Please?"

Hiro raises an eyebrow. "Okay, hold on," he says before walking towards the bar. Ryo snorts loudly and Jin frowns at him.

"Can't order your own drink?" Ryo asks, raising an eyebrow.

"More like take advantage of your kouhais," Jin smirks as Hiro places his new beer in front of him. 

"Sure, or you could just say that you're lazy," Hiro snorts.

"But lying's not a good thing, don't you remember?" Jin snickers. He takes another sip and has to wince through it. "Seriously. What is in this drink?"

Hiro only shrugs. 

\--

“So,” Jin half-slurs. “I could’ve been a Johnny’s boy. I just got rejected, sad sad me.” He slumps his head against the emptied table. Hiro snickers as Ryo raises an eyebrow at Jin.

“What made you want to go into Johnny’s?” Ryo asks, taking a sip of his water.

“Oh. I saw you on television,” Jin admits just as Koki and Yamapi come back to the table.

“You saw Ryo-chan?” Yamapi asks curiously, stealing Ryo’s glass of water from his hand. “In what?”

Jin shrugs. “I don’t remember. It was so long ago. He was so puny. …Well, he still is now, but like, he was an actual child. …Or was he? He might’ve been 15. I don’t remember.”

Koki holds Ryo back in his seat. “Let’s see how good a dancer you are.” Koki says, changing the topic and pulling Jin off his seat.

“I’m sure I have a thing or two to teach you,” Jin sneers as he stumbles his way towards the dance floor.

“Shouldn’t you be stopping him?” Ryo asks Hiro who’s looking at the spectacle in amusement.

“Not at all. I’m sure Akanishi has everything under control,” Hiro says.

Jin has no issues with personal space as he grinds against Koki, swiveling his hips. Koki’s eyes widen for a _second_ before he retaliates in turn, his hand sliding down Jin’s ass to pull Jin in closer. Jin smirks before throwing his head back and just moving to the heavy beat of the song playing. His neck muscles flex under the strain and Koki drags his hand down Jin’s front. 

“You’re playing with fire, Akanishi,” Koki mutters as he leans in.

Jin laughs. “No, you are.” His eyes glitter in the dark of the club.

\--

Jin opens his eyes to searing pain. “Fuck,” he hisses, pressing fingers to his forehead—pushing away the blanket to do so. He stops suddenly, realizing that the blanket is _not_ familiar to him—since when did he have black silk?—and that he’s half naked underneath the sheets. Jin blinks. “Oh fuck,” he mumbles as he sits up.

When he moves, the body beside him stirs—another half-naked male body.

“Oh fuck,” Jin says again, eyes wide—but another shot of pain causes him to wince. 

“Nngh.” The body says and the male turns over to get a good look at Jin. “Who are you?” he asks, voice dry.

Jin stares, not at all recognizing the person behind him. “Aka…nishi Jin,” he manages to say.

The male pushes up from the bed, half sitting as he drags a hand through his hair. “Yamashita Tomohisa.” He gives Jin a once over. “I don’t remember you. Did we fuck last night?”

With the name, Jin finally remembers who Yamapi is. “Er, not sure,” Jin says weakly. “I don’t remember either.”

“Idiots.” the voice comes from outside the bedroom and Yamapi snorts when he hears it. Footsteps start up, approaching the two.

“Ryo-chan,” Yamapi tells Jin, which instantly clicks in Jin’s head—thankfully.

Ryo’s at the doorway, fully clothed—to Jin’s immense glee. He doesn’t think he could handle seeing another half-naked guy—he would _really_ wonder what happened the night before. “You didn’t sleep with each other, don’t worry.” He sips a cup of coffee before continuing. “Just got wasted, conked out and we had to throw you on the bed.”

Jin can’t help his sigh of relief.

“Thanks,” Yamapi deadpans.

“It’s not that,” Jin says. “It’s just that you’re not my type.”

“If you’re one of those guys who denies his sexuality,” Yamapi starts, sucking on an end of a cigarette. “I swear—” 

“Not that,” Jin snorts. “I’m well and gay, but you’re just really _not_ my type.”

Ryo smirks. “I called it. After last night, totally doesn’t surprise me.”

“After last night?” Jin asks, a little afraid to find out the truth himself.

“I think you made out with Koki like five times the entire night. Each time longer than the next,” Ryo supplies.

Jin flushes. “Oh.”

Ryo smirks. “Why don’t you lazies get up and come to the table? Breakfast was served hours ago.”

Jin’s stomach agrees whole-heartedly with that statement.

\--

About six hours later, Jin finds himself _finally_ leaving Yamapi’s apartment with Hiro in tow (who Jin discovered had slept on the couch while Ryo had taken the guest room). “They’re not half bad,” Jin says, shutting his cell phone with two newly saved phone numbers. 

Hiro grins. “Told you idols aren’t half bad.”

“You _never_ said that,” Jin snorts. 

“Well, I thought it.” 

“Doesn’t count.” Jin then turns to look Hiro in the eye. “By the way, what the hell did you give me to drink last night? That was _not_ beer, was it?” Hiro chuckles weakly.

“It got you to open your shell?” he says.

“Yeah, apparently to the point that I’d spill my early childhood boy-crush on Nishikido. Thanks for that,” Jin says dryly.

“Again, opening of shell.”

“Yeah, and my way of opening your shell—” Jin starts.

“Please don’t finish that,” Hiro pleads. “If I have to hear you make another really bad line, I will leave.”

Jin huffs. “They work on other people.”

“Other _drunk_ people.”

“See if I go out with you again.”

\--

Ryo ends up texting him the next day with a simple “soccer game tmr. in?”

Jin can’t help the grin on his face as he excitedly texts back—at first, shaking too much that he kept pushing the wrong number—”hell yes. where n when?”

“txt u w/ details tmr.” Ryo responds back only a few seconds later. “tell hiro he can come too.”

“Akanishi!” Nobuhisa Yamada—the _captain_ —yells in the middle of the soccer field. “What the fuck do you think you’re doing?” 

Jin slips his phone back into his bag, hoping nobody’d seen it out, and picks up his bottle of water. “Just a sip of water, captain!” Jin calls out.

“Better only be that,” Yamada snaps. “If you were on your phone—” he says warningly.

“I would _never_ do something stupid like that in the middle of practice.” Jin jogs back onto the field, passing Hiro on his way to his position. “Hiro, tomorrow, soccer game with the idols.”

Hiro snorts. “So you _were_ on your phone.”

“Oh, be quiet.” 

Yamada doesn’t take his eyes off Jin the entire practice—Jin makes doubly sure not to fuck anything up.

\--

When Jin arrives at the game the next day, sans Hiro as he had a prior appointment, _sadly_ , he finds Ryo with three other guys that he doesn’t recognize in the least. “Hey!” Ryo yells out, calling Jin over.

Jin beams, rushing over, and is immediately introduced to the other players.

“This is Tegoshi Yuya. He works with Yamapi and me.” Ryo points to the smallest one of the group—the one that looked so much like a girl that Jin had been slightly startled when Ryo had said “he.” 

“Nakamaru Yuichi. You already met him in that match with KAT-TUN.” Nakamaru gives Jin a nod and Jin realizes that he only remembers him because of his _nose_ —Jin makes sure not to make mention of it.

“And this is our sempai from another group, Nagase Tomoya. He’s plays soccer with Tegoshi all the time so he wanted to tag along,” Ryo supplies.

Jin greets each and every one of them. When he gets to Nagase though, the older man grasps Jin’s hand tightly. “When I heard you could be coming, I definitely wanted to come.” Jin’s eyes go wide. “I’ve seen your games, including that amazing goal in that game against Avispa Fukuoka last month. Nobody thought you’d make that goal and you did that header and it went in. It was amazing.”

“I—”Jin starts, at a loss for words. “Thanks?” he says; he can feel the blood rushing to his face.

“Wow, are you embarrassed?” Ryo chortles as he throws Jin the soccer ball.

Jin bounces it off his stomach, juggling it with his knees then his feet. “Shut up,” he retorts. “Why don’t you let your soccer skills talk for you?” Jin kicks the ball up as he spreads his arms out, gesturing for the others to back away from him. He backflips, kicking the ball mid air over his head and it lands in the goal feet away from where they’re standing.

“Oh fuck,” Nakamaru mutters in amazement as Jin lands back down on his feet, grinning. 

“Let’s play soccer,” he cheers before heading onto the field and starting his warm-ups. The opposing team arrives a half-hour later only to be thoroughly beaten. Nagase takes them all out to dinner that night and Jin gets drunk by the end of the night. He shows up an hour late to practice the next morning.

\--

“Up for dinner tonight?” Hiro asks as they’re getting changed after practice.

“Sorry. Hanging out with Pi and Ryo,” Jin says, pulling his shirt over his head. “Wanna join?”

“Pass. Don’t want to be the fourth wheel.”

Jin snorts. “Your loss.”

“You know,” Hiro starts, closing his locker door as he turns to look at Jin, who’s fixing his hair in the small mirror he keeps in his locker. “You’ve been spending a lot of time with those guys.”

“What?” Jin asks, playing with his hair before turning to meet Hiro’s gaze. “What’s wrong with that? They’re cool guys.”

“Jin, you’ve been late to practice every day for two weeks now. And you’ve gotten sluggish. Don’t think nobody’s noticed.”

“I just haven’t been sleeping properly.”

“Yeah, because you’ve been out with _them_ every night. Seriously, maybe you need to spend some time away from them.”

Jin huffs. “Don’t worry about who I make friends with, Hiro. I’ll balance it better, okay?” He shuts his locker door. “So back off, okay?”

Hiro frowns as he watches Jin walk out of the locker room—Yamada in the next aisle over does the same.

\--

The next day, Jin groans as he stumbles into the locker room after practice. “Shit,” he hisses, his muscles feeling strangely sore—a feeling he hasn’t really experienced to this intensity in a long while. “What the fuck is going on?” he mumbles, massaging the muscles on the backs of his legs.

“Akanishi, I need to talk to you,” Yamada booms as he enters the locker room, the door slamming behind him. Jin winces.

“Way to make an entrance, captain,” Jin says with a flourish—he doesn’t bother to stand though, not that he could with the way his body’s aching.

Yamada towers over him, arms crossed and face stern with eyes set and nose pointed down at him. “You’ve been slacking lately.”

Jin feels his blood drain from his face and go rushing straight to his heart—it pounds faster and faster—before he licks his lips. “Look, I’m sorry about today—” he starts before Yamada interrupts him.

“It’s not just today, Akanishi. You’ve been slacking for weeks. You’re weaker on the field. Your stamina’s shot. Your accuracy is horrible. What’s been going on?”

Jin exhales. “I haven’t really been managing my time properly, that’s all. Been getting busy and—”

“With those idol guys?”

“What?” Jin asks abruptly. “Did Hiro—”

“Takasaki’s been worrying about you.”

“That wasn’t _necessary_ ,” Jin bites, his head reeling from the fact that his _friend_ felt it necessary to “rat him out.” “My friends have _nothing_ to do with my performance.”

“Did you go drinking last night with them?” Yamada asks—changing topics so fast that Jin had to make sure that he’d heard the right thing.

“Well, yes, but—”

“And the night before.”

Jin closes his eyes. “Yes.”

“Have you been waking up early to run daily?”

Jin swallows. “No.”

“And why’s that?”

“Because then I wouldn’t get a full 8 hours of sleep.”

“Akanishi, I’m telling you this for your sake. Stop hanging out with them.” When Jin’s eyes snap open, Yamada’s looking at him in _concern_ , and for some reason that sets his blood boiling.

“Look,” Jin snaps. “My friends have nothing to do with this and my private life shouldn’t be under your control. What we do is none of your concern, and yes, I have been dropping the ball lately, but I can fix it easily.”

“That wasn’t an option, Akanishi. You’re self-destructing right now, and if you keep going down this route, forget being a starter in the next game.”

“What?!” Jin yells, jumping to his feet and ignoring the sharp pains that shoot through his body. “That isn’t a fair call!”

“You’re leading me to this decision, Akanishi. It’s either a yes or a no.”

“Fuck you!” Jin snaps. 

“Then you’re suspended for a month. Don’t bother showing up to practice tomorrow.” Before Jin can get another word in, Yamada turns on his heel and is out the door. 

“Fuck!” Jin yells again, kicking at a nearby locker and then cursing again at the shooting pain. The door edges open and Hiro sticks his head into the room, catching Jin’s eye.

“Look,” Hiro starts, biting his lip.

“Get out,” Jin hisses. “Right now, you’re the last person I want to see.”

Hiro leaves without arguing and Jin lies back on the wooden bench, eyes shut and a leg dangling off the side. “Fuck,” he mumbles to himself as he tries to calm his beating heart.

\--

That night, Ryo, Yamapi and Tegoshi take Jin out to karaoke in order to cheer him up. “I’ve found that singing at the top of your lungs really helps to ease the anger,” Tegoshi tells him, passing Jin the microphone.

“I haven’t really ever gone to karaoke,” Jin says sheepishly. “I’m not sure you want to actually hear me sing.”

“Don’t worry,” Ryo says, patting Jin in the back. “With Pi here, you can’t sound worse than him.”

“Isn’t he a singer?” Jin asks curiously.

“Only by name,” Ryo retorts. Yamapi punches him in the shoulder, which Ryo takes laughing. 

“And with Ryo here, you’ll get more confident,” Yamapi snorts. Ryo sticks his tongue out at Yamapi while Tegoshi chooses a song from the book. 

“Either way,” Tegoshi says. “We’re not judging here, you know. It’s just for fun.”

“I’m in a room with three idols,” Jin says dryly. “That doesn’t inspire confidence.”

Tegoshi laughs—no, giggles is a more accurate description—before passing Jin the book. “Here! How about you sing this song?” Tegoshi asks, pointing down at some KAT-TUN song—Real Face.

“In honor of Koki or something?” Jin laughs as Ryo punches in the numbers.

“Sure,” Tegoshi says.

Jin starts singing to the song and Ryo’s surprised “Oh.” beside him startles Jin to the point that he stops and turns to Ryo. “What?” he asks, feeling the flush come back to his face.

“Nothing,” Ryo says slowly, eyebrows scrunched.

“You’re just surprisingly good,” Yamapi tells Jin. “Better than we expected.”

Tegoshi beams. “Keep going, keep going!” Jin blinks before continuing the song, even adding in the “tsks” that they do. 

“Too bad you’re a football player,” Ryo snorts, shaking his head. “You’d make it in the entertainment business no question.”

Jin laughs awkwardly, his ears burning, before he passes off the microphone to Tegoshi who takes it happily, singing about never letting someone go. He catches Yamapi’s flush as Tegoshi leans against his side, swaying along to the music. Jin catches Ryo’s eyes and Ryo winks at him, grinning. 

Jin doesn’t admit—won’t admit to it—but Ryo’s words keep him up for the next few days. He refrains from going to karaoke again.

\--

It’s really a week and a half into his suspension that Jin realizes that he misses soccer and that not playing or having practice is really getting to him. “free today?” he texts Ryo and Yamapi and Tegoshi and Koki and whichever of the Johnny’s boys he has in his phone book nearly every day.

About a third of the time, Jin succeeds and catches them on their day off, but the other two-thirds of the time, it tends to be a miss and Jin lounges around at home, watching television and catching, by chance, one of his team’s games.

On this day, not only does he succeed but a _majority_ of them are free—to the point that they make plans for a football game that afternoon. 

He’s rusty, to say the least—not used to all the heavy exercise even though he’s been trying hard to keep up with his training regime. Although, if he admits it to himself, Jin knows that he’s been slacking in that sense too—it’s not as fun practicing by himself. 

“Look, be careful of Tegoshi,” Ryo comes up behind Jin, nodding towards the one in question who’s laughing at something Nagase said. “He’s been practicing lately.”

Jin nods, grinning. “Don’t worry. I know how that kid works.”

The words come back to bite Jin in the ass as Tegoshi fakes past Jin, driving the ball into the goal—pushing the score from the 4-4 tie they had to 5-4, right in the last minute. Jin stares as Nakamaru completely misses the ball—the net flies back in the lower left corner and the other team cheers loudly; Nagase picks up Tegoshi, whooping.

Ryo pats Jin on the shoulder. “Looks like Tegoshi’s gotten better, huh?”

Jin nods slowly, still a little stunned. “Yeah. Practice does a body good, huh?”

“Shouldn’t you know that better than any of us,” Ryo snorts.

Jin doesn’t comment after that.

\--

“Hey, been busy lately?” Yamapi asks as soon as Jin picks up his phone. He wipes the sweat from his forehead and chuckles, relaxing on his couch. 

“Sorry,” Jin says, lying his head back. “Been trying to get back into the habit of practice before I get back.”

“In a week, right?”

Jin nods. “If they’ll even take me in.”

“They’d be idiots not to,” Yamapi murmurs. “Listen, are you free right now?”

“Yeah, sure. What’s up?”

“Just wanna go out for a drink and talk. Can you?”

Jin chuckles. “Nix the drinks and make it dinner.”

“Deal,” Yamapi laughs. 

They meet up at a nearby family restaurant—nearby to _Jin_ , that is. “Did you take the train all the way over here? We could’ve met somewhere closer, you know.”

Yamapi shakes his head, pulling out a cigarette. “I was in the neighborhood.”

“Wow, that is a lie if ever I heard one,” Jin retorts, ordering his food to the waitress right after. “So what’s wrong?”

Yamapi can’t meet his eyes, staring out the window. “I just-” Yamapi starts before stopping, taking a drag from his cigarette and sighing as he exhales. “Look, I don’t normally talk about these kinds of things, but I need someone to listen.”

Jin raises an eyebrow, taking a sip of water. “With me though? Aren’t you closer to Nishikido?”

“Someone outside of the entertainment industry. Someone who’s not already jaded,” Yamapi says. 

Jin blinks, a little startled, but he nods. “Okay, if I’m good enough. Tell me what’s wrong.”

“Everything,” Yamapi mutters, leaning his head against a propped elbow. “I know you don’t know much about Johnny’s Jimusho or anything, but my group, NewS, got suspended earlier this year for…Well, just for something.” Jin nods, letting Yamapi know that he’s listening. “So we’re on hiatus or whatever, and in that time, I got a solo single which was okay, even though I didn’t think I could handle doing it by myself.”

“Right,” Jin says slowly as the waitress puts his dishes down on the table, but Jin ignores the food—right now anyway—as Yamapi continues talking, stopping at some points just to smoke.

“But now, the company said that I’m going to be another group.”

“Wait, then what about the other one?” Jin asks curiously—slightly fascinated by how everything works, and at the same time horrified.

“They said this new one’s temporary and they’re still _thinking_ about what to do with NewS which was temporary to _begin_ with.” Yamapi exhales, then lowers his head, lying flat on the table’s surface. “I don’t know, honestly,” Yamapi sighs.

Jin frowns. “Can’t you just tell them you don’t want to do it?”

Yamapi laughs loudly at this, lifting his head to look Jin in the eye. “You’re joking, right?”

“No…” Jin says, blinking. “Is it that absurd? I mean, if you don’t want to—” 

“Trust me,” Yamapi laughs again. “It is pretty absurd. They control your life and if you rebel against them, there _are_ repercussions.”

Jin stares at him. “So why do you do it if you’re this miserable?”

“Because,” Yamapi starts, dropping his head back down. “Because I still love this job when it comes down to it.” Jin can’t say a word after that. That’s how it stays for the rest of their time together—Jin silent as he eats his dinner and Yamapi quiet as he looks out the window, still smoking.

Jin counts the days until his suspension’s lifted.

\--

A week later and about a month before the next round of games for the J. League, Jin goes back to the soccer field. It feels a little strange to be back, especially because of the looks from the other members—he knows his hair’s gotten longer and the bags under his eyes have disappeared, but Jin feels self-conscious off all their stares.

“Welcome back,” Yamada says gruffly—as always.

“Glad to be back,” Jin says honestly, before throwing his bags into his locker and catching sight of Hiro practicing at the other end of the field. Hiro sees him as well and gives Jin a half-hearted nod, as though afraid that Jin is still mad at him.

Jin grins back, waving wildly which causes Hiro to laugh. 

“Get back on the field, Akanishi,” Yamada booms and Jin nods, exaggeratedly saying, “Yes, Captain!” 

As he races back on the field, the team calls out their greetings, in various degrees of color. “Oh shit! The girl’s back on the field!” Hajime yells.

“Thought you’d puss-ed out!” Tsuzuki laughs. 

“Aw, crap. The month’s already over?” Suzuki sighs. “Akanishi’s brattiness back on the field.”

“Too bad, guys!” Jin yells as he settles on his spot near Hiro. “You’re stuck with me.” He pounds fists with Hiro.

“Back to normal?” Hiro asks.

Jin grins wickedly. “Better than normal. Let’s beat their asses, shall we?”

Hiro laughs. “That’s the Akanishi I remember.”

\--

“youre all coming. july 19th bitches. be there.” Jin texts his Johnny’s friends—or idol boys as everyone on the team calls them.

“Seriously, are you gay for them or something?” Suzuki asks, slinging an arm over Jin’s shoulders. 

“Not really,” Jin snickers before throwing air kisses at Suzuki. “But I’d go gay for you, baby.”

“Too bad I have a girlfriend, Akanishi.”

“We don’t have to tell her.” Suzuki pushes a laughing Jin into Hiro who shakes his head. 

“You’re both idiots,” Hiro says.

“Awww,” Jin pouts. “I think Hiro-chan’s a little jealous. How does a threesome sound, Suzuki-kun?” 

“Hmm… Well if it’s Takasaki—”

“Don’t finish that sentence,” Hiro snaps. “I really don’t want to hear it.” Jin chuckles before they enter the locker room.

When Jin runs out onto the field on the 19th—their opposing team being the Albirex Niigata—he turns to look at the seats he’d set aside for his friend. They’re all there, even grumpy Ryo who’d been _insistent_ that he wouldn’t be caught dead cheering for Jin. 

Nagase, Tegoshi and Koki are holding up some sign that Jin can’t read with all the smudges and smears. Jin laughs loudly.

Ryo gestures at his phone which prompts Jin to look at his own. “If you lose, I will kill you for making me sit through this.” Jin chuckles before sticking his tongue out at Ryo, putting his cell back beside his water bottle.

“Ready?” Hiro asks him as they rush onto the field. 

“More than ever,” Jin breathes. 

“Hope you can keep up that optimism, Akanishi,” Yamada retorts from behind them. 

Jin grins back at the captain. “I’ll do my best my work.”

At the end of the game, they lose 2-1, but Jin manages to score the only goal. When he scores, everyone’s arms are around him and the cheers throughout the stadium remind Jin of _why_ he does this.


	3. Jin in Hollywood AU

iii. [The first image I have when you say the word 'World' is Hollywood. On a world scale, I feel it's the place where the big stars that play an active role gather. Of course the me right now is long long way away from there but in doing this job, I feel that want to become a star so that can get involved there.](http://seishun-banzai.livejournal.com/2984.html)  
\- Potato ~ April 2008

**2006.**

Everyone hears his news through a phone call, not something many of them appreciated if the collection of voice messages to his cell are any indication.

"Are you fucking kidding me?!" Ryo snaps in his message. "Not exactly the kind of thing I thought you'd throw in my _voice mail_ , of all things. What the fuck-"

Beep. 

"Jin," Yamapi sounds solemn; Jin winces. "I don't know what's been going on, but call me. I don't want us to break ties like this. I know that-"

Beep. 

"Akanishi." Pause. "We can't always be waiting."

Beep.

"You have no new messages."

The last message is too short for Jin to be able to skip past—it's the action that matters, not so much whose message—and as such, Kame's words strike inside of Jin. He shuts his cell phone and tries to stop himself from thinking, harping too much on his words. He tucks the phone inside his breast pocket and flattens down his hair, before he steps through the doors of his new talent agency—All Stars United—he hopes it will be anyway. 

The lady at the desk gives him a look as he steps inside, lips pursed before she asks him if he has an appointment. Jin can't stop the bubble of accomplishment when he tells her that yes, he does have an appointment. He refrains from adding a, "Ha!" to the end of his statement, no matter how much he wants to.

She doesn't bother hiding her suspicion, nor her contempt as she asks, "Name, please?"

Jin glances down at her name tag—Sandra—he'll have to remember that when he becomes famous. "Aka-" he starts, before stopping and scolding himself for forgetting already. "Jin. Jin Akanishi."

"Okay, Mr. AKAnishi," she says, ripping apart his name even though he _just_ said it a second ago. "Take a seat over there and I'll let you know when Mr. Jenkins is free to see you." She gestures towards the sitting area with one of the fakest smiles that he's probably ever seen—and he's seen more than enough in his business—and proceeds to go on with her work. 

Jin hides his sigh—they notice those kinds of things after all—and sits down in an uncomfortable chair. He tries hard not to fiddle with his tie, tries to ignore the growing itch at the underside of his leg, and tries to keep his sanity intact. He only manages the first two. (Jin can vaguely hear Ryo's "You never had any sanity to begin with" retort, but that thought only brings a pang of guilt and homesickness.)

He's not sure how much time has passed before the lady at the front desk calls for him. "He can see you now," Sandra tells him before turning away abruptly, like she doesn't have the time of day to even bother with him.

Jin doesn't take it personally, doesn't have time to as he walks into the Agency's president's office, adjusting his tie. The room is bright, unexpectedly so, and the president, who Jin's only met once before, is busy staring at his computer, glasses at the edge of his nose before pushing them back up once he notices Jin's presence.

"Jin!" he says cheerfully before shutting off his computer screen and pushing away the half-eaten plate of food in front of him. He stands up, gesturing for Jin to sit in one of the chairs in front of his desk and moving around the desk to shake his hand. 

"Hi, Mr. Jenkins," Jin greets, wiping his hands off his pants—not that he was sweating or anything—before taking Mr. Jenkin's hand in a firm handshake. He smiles before settling into the left chair. When he looks up, Mr. Jenkins is looking at him with his head tilted, a small smile on his face.

"Anxious, are you?"

Jin half-freezes. "Is it that obvious?" he asks, slightly helplessly. His hands grip the armrests of his chair—he thinks his knuckles are starting to go white.

Mr. Jenkins chuckles, shaking his head. "No, but psychologically, 80 percent of the time, if a patient is more depressed or anxious, they are likely to take the left chair instead of the right chair. Granted, you're not a patient, but I find that the same thing tends to apply to regular people who are only coming in for an interview."

Jin blinks.

"Sorry. I have a degree in Psychology, and I tend to babble on and on about it," Mr. Jenkins says, giving Jin a calming smile. "So, down to business, have you looked over the contract?"

"Yes, sir," he pulls out the contract from his bag – the contract that he'd spent all night looking over and getting advice from _Shige_ of all people.

\--

"You don't have any ties to me, not really. No obligations to do this for me. But I'm asking for a favor and I'm really hoping you could just help me out with something," Jin remembers asking. There's a pause before Shige sighs.

"I may regret this," Shige mumbles. "But I'll help you out."

"Great! You'd probably understand this contract better than I could."

Pause. "That's _all_?!" Shige asks incredulously.

"What did you think I'd ask?!"

"I don't know. You had a dead body left here in Japan that needed moving!" 

Jin snorts. "If I needed that, I'd ask Pi."

"Hence the confusion."

"So can you help me out or what?"

With a loud sigh of relief, Shige says, "Sure. Just read it out and _slowly_."

"In English?" Jin asks, just to make sure.

"In English is fine," Shige replies. The noise of pages being turned can be heard in the background and Jin figures that he's probably pulling out a dictionary of some sort.

They spend hours on the phone—Jin doesn't even want to think about how much he'll have to pay for his phone bill—but in the end, Shige answers every single question he asks. By the time they're finished, both are exhausted and Jin realizes that it's already morning and that he needs to get ready for his meeting—on his second thought, he realizes that Shige's wasted his entire day, and spends a second wondering if he has rehearsal or not.

"Thank you so much," Jin says, hoping that he can show just how _appreciative_ he is just by the sound of his voice.

"It was no problem." Pause. "Signing under a new talent agency?"

Jin freezes—the clock in front of him slowly ticks towards the big 12. "I-"

"Forget I asked that," Shige says in a single breath, stumbling through his words. "I just-I was curious. You don't have to answer-"

"Yeah," Jin says simply—half of him felt that Shige deserved that much from him after everything he'd done to help in that night. "I officially quit Johnny's Jimusho a month ago."

Another pause. "When's the news coming out?"

Jin chuckles. "No clue. But I'm sure they'll paint it prettily enough."

"Sure they won't just say you died in a tragic car accident?" Shige snorts.

"Wouldn't put it past them." Jin plays with the paper in front of him as a period of silence falls upon them.

"Well, I should get to bed," Shige finally says, stopping Jin in the middle of a thought—not sure what he was thinking anyway. "It's late and I have classes tomorrow."

"Right, right." Jin sucks in his breath. "Look, Kato. No one-"

"I know. I'll keep it a secret, Akanishi-kun."

"Thanks again." It takes all of Jin's effort to actually hang up—for reasons he's not entirely sure he knows.

\--

"Great! Any problems with it?" Mr. Jenkins asks, taking the contract from Jin's hands.

Jin hears himself ask the questions Shige had advised him to, but he doesn't know really know what he's saying or what response he's getting. But he takes it all in, and Mr. Jenkins looks pleased at the fact that Jin had even though to ask such questions. 

"Did I answer everything?"

Jin nods, grinning before he stands up, taking Mr. Jenkin's hand into his. "Thanks for this opportunity."

"Don't say that yet," Mr. Jenkins warns. "It won't be an easy ride. Breaking into the entertainment industry is anything but simple."

Jin snorts lightly. "Trust me. I understand that really well." 

"Well, Jin," Mr. Jenkins says—saying Jin's name in the "wrong" way that Jin's become much adjusted to. "I will definitely call you if anything pops up our way."

Jin nods, shaking Mr. Jenkin's hand firmly. "Thank you again, sir. And have a good day."

Jin leaves the office, throwing on a jacket—just one jacket which makes it feel like it’s not winter, Jin thinks, but he _is_ in L.A.—feeling like he's done something absolutely scary and insane. But right now, in this moment, Jin's more than ready to make the leap.

\--

The jobs don't come in easily—at least, not as easily as Jin would like them to. He even picks up a part-time job at a nearby supermarket in order to help pay for his bills and for his health—food is important, after all. But he can't say that Mr. Jenkins isn't trying. He gets random scraps of work—a commercial extra here, a movie extra there, a body double in another place (that'd been a bit of a surprising job). Jin's just used to automatically getting the big jobs especially since he's _already_ put in all the work before it.

In _Japan_ , Jin reminds himself constantly. He's not back home, not where he's gotten such an easy ride. At least not anymore.

He gets a call from Yamapi a month later, one that Jin actually takes in favor of the textbook sitting in front of him—it's awkward and short, but Jin doesn't care, because there's something about hearing his best friend's voice that reminds him so much of home. 

"I'm coming to L.A." Yamapi suddenly says in the middle of the conversation—they'd pointedly avoided from mentioning anything about Jin leaving the Jimusho, so the sudden announcement shocks Jin. 

"Pi," Jin starts. "That's not really necessary. You don't have to check up on me, you know."

Yamapi chuckles lightly. "That's not why I'm going," he says.

"Then why would you—"

"Because it's for work."

Jin pauses, unsure if he wants to expand on that. "What work?" he asks slowly.

"A photoshoot. NewS' calendar photoshoot." Jin thinks Yamapi sounds like he's practically preening on the other line, not that he can blame him.

"Are you guys back together?" Jin asks, not even bothering to keep the awe from his voice. 

"Not yet. But come Countdown…" He lets the words hang there, but Jin figures what the end is going to be.

"Oh, wow," Jin murmurs. "That's _amazing_ , Pi. "

"I know. It's been a tough year."

"Un," Jin mumbles—wondering if Yamapi's implying more than one thing. "It really has been tough for you guys. I'm so glad."

Jin can hear the smile in Yamapi's face. "Okay, I have to get back to work, Jin."

"Oh! Well, then take care and we _definitely_ have to meet up when you come over here." 

"Definitely," Yamapi says firmly. "You'd better show us around town."

Jin laughs. "And then some. Talk to you later." When he hangs up, he feels his stomach plummet and Jin closes his eyes, putting his phone back down on his desk next to his open textbook. 

Jin can't study for classes that night.

\--

Jin wastes the entire month _somehow_ —he's not even sure himself. After he got news of Yamapi's impending visit, Jin hadn't been able to concentrate—which is bad when he has _finals_ to look forward to.

"How'd you do?" his friend Brett asks him as they come out of their English class.

"Huh?" Jin starts, turning to him with wide eyes. "Were you always—" he starts before shaking his head. "Um, yeah. I don't really know."

"You've been out of it lately, Jin." Brett slaps a hand against Jin’s back. "Wanna go drinking tonight?" he offers.

"I'll pass," Jin mumbles before waving at Brett, heading in the opposite direction. 

\--

**2007.**

Jin doesn't know how time went so fast, but next thing he knows, he's waking up one morning, stomach churning as he plans out his day with the NewS members.

Except there's only two of them at the meeting spot when he gets there. "Just you two?" Jin blurts out abruptly, eyes wide at the sight of only Yamapi and Ryo.

"Nice to see you too, sunshine," Ryo snaps, arms crossed. "I knew we shouldn't have-" Before Ryo can finish his _obvious_ thought, Yamapi elbows him sharply in the stomach.

"The others thought we should get some time together," Yamapi explains. "So we have you all to ourselves."

Jin blinks before snorting. "Should I be worried?"

"Shouldn't it be the other way around?" Ryo retorts. "We're on your turf after all."

"Oh," Jin says. "That _is_ true."

"Look what you did. You gave him _ideas_ ," Yamapi says accusingly.

"Someone has to." 

Jin shoves Ryo, laughing. "If you guys are done insulting me, I had plans to rock your world."

"I hope you don't mean in bed." Ryo laughs.

"I didn't, but if you want me to." Jin wiggles his eyebrows in Ryo’s direction before Ryo shoves him into Yamapi who yelps. 

"I wasn't part of this!"

"You're _always_ part of this," Ryo retorts.

Yamapi huffs. "You both suck."

"I don't, but I can't speak for Akanishi. Tell us, Akanishi, blow jobs or hand jobs?"

Jin groans loudly. "You're an asshole." Jin starts to walk away from them, Ryo's laughter trailing behind him.

"Damn it, Ryo. I think he's actually _leaving_."

"I don't think it'll take that much effort to follow him, idiot."

"Shut up and just move," Yamapi hisses.

Jin can't stop laughing.

\--

At the end of the day, Jin takes Yamapi and Ryo back to his apartment—pointedly ignoring the wrinkle in Ryo's nose as he takes in Jin's puny place with only enough room for a bed and the kitchen right next to the door; thankfully, the bathroom is in another room, but it’s the size of a _closet_.

"Wow, this is where you live," Ryo deadpans as Jin leads him into the place, patting the bed for either of the two to sit. 

"And where will you sit?" Yamapi asks, frowning as he looks around the room.

Jin pulls out a fold-up chair from inside his closet—a closet that he had to feel up the wall just to find out where it was exactly—and plops it in front of them, grinning as he does so. "I make do," Jin tells them.

Yamapi and Ryo exchange looks before Yamapi says, in a strangely stern voice. "Jin, look. We—We just wanted to talk to you about quitting the Jimusho."

Jin's smile quickly turns into a frown. "Guys, I know that—"

"I think it's plain stupid," Ryo says cutting Jin off.

Jin blinks; the next second his heart pounds furiously and his whole body goes cold. "Ryo. I don't need—"

"Obviously you _do_ ," Ryo snaps.

"You don't even know what I was going to say!" Jin hisses, standing up with his fists tightly clenched at his sides.

"I'm sure it wouldn't be too difficult to figure it out," Ryo sneers.

"What's that supposed to mean?!"

Yamapi stands up abruptly. Ryo and Jin both turn to him, blinking. "Stop it. We didn't come here just to tell Jin that we don't agree with his choice."

"Maybe you didn't," Ryo retorts; Yamapi glares at him.

"Ryo," he snaps. Ryo looks away from both Yamapi and Jin, not saying a word. Yamapi sighs, sitting back down on the bed and facing Jin. "Look, we're not saying we _completely_ disagree with this," Yamapi starts; Ryo snorts, but the other two ignore him. "We're just worried that you don't understand what you're getting yourself into."

Jin frowns. "Look, I've thought-"

"Are you _sure_? When's the last time you had a job?" Yamapi asks, his arms crossed.

"Just because I didn't have one _just_ last week doesn't mean it's not working for me," Jin snaps. "It takes time and work, and you _know_ that better than anyone else!"

"Exactly! And that's why I think you should go back to Japan, where you _know_ that you'll do fine!"

"So you want me to go back to Johnny with my tail between my legs and _beg_ for my job back?"

"Yes!" Ryo answers, speaking up. Yamapi turns to look at him; Jin’s frown only gets deeper. "I don't care anymore about his _feelings_ ," Ryo hisses, facing Yamapi before he turns to Jin. "It's not just _you_ , you know. Not only are you making an idiotic move, but you're ruining your group by doing this. Nobody's going to say anything because they think they're "supporting" you, but they probably resent you for the mess you've left on their laps." Ryo exhales roughly.

Yamapi frowns at Ryo. "Done?"

"No, but I thought that was enough for now."

Jin looks at Ryo; there's no longer a frown on Jin’s face, his lips pursed. "I'm done though," Jin says gruffly.

"What's _that_ mean?" Ryo snaps.

"I want you both out of here."

Ryo's face drops. "You're fucking kidding."

"No. I don't want you here if you're only here to criticize me. I would've thought my _best_ friends would've come to support me. But I was wrong."

"Jin," Yamapi starts, but Jin quickly interrupts. "No, I don't want to hear anything anymore. Just go." The two stand up and Jin quickly ushers them out the door, pushing them out as soon as he gets it open. Yamapi turns just before Jin can get it started. "I'm sorry," Yamapi says.

Jin snorts before giving Yamapi a dry smile. "Yeah. Oh and by the way, congratulations," he snaps right before he slams the door on their faces. 

He stands by the door, hearing the muffled sounds of Ryo and Yamapi arguing and their footsteps as they walk away from his apartment. Jin shuts his eyes, exhaling, and then collapses onto the floor. 

Jin refuses to take Yamapi's or Ryo's calls for the next few weeks. They stop calling after two months.

\--

Jin manages to get his first speaking role only _three_ months into the new year. "What, really?!" Jin exclaims into his phone, clutching onto his table almost having fallen over his chair from Mr. Jenkins' call.

"I mean, it's not a leading role or even a supporting one," Mr. Jenkins clarifies. "But this director likes re-using his extras. If you get on his good side, he might start hiring you for more jobs."

"I don't mind at all! I'll take it!" Jin exclaims before Mr. Jenkins agrees and they hang up. Jin can't stop himself from pounding his fist into the air, yelling excitedly. His neighbor pounds on their connecting wall, yelling, "Shut the fuck up in there!"

Jin lowers his voice, but still continues jumping around his room happily.

Shooting's only a week after the phone call, a lot sooner than Jin expected, but he's prepped and more than a little excited to have a _speaking_ role. When he gets to the set, introducing himself, very little people can notice him when some guy—sleek black hair wearing sunglasses and a leather jacket—starts screaming at some aide that they'd gotten his drink _completely_ wrong and who did they think they were.

Jin blinks, watching the guy dump his drink out in front of the poor little boy who's steadily shrinking before the brunette thrusts the glass at him. "And next time," the guy snaps. "Get it right." The aide scurries off, clutching the glass tight to his chest.

"God. Why does that asshole get so many jobs? He screams at _everyone_ ," one of the set people at Jin’s right comments to another.

"Who even knows," the other replies before they walk off.

" You're Jin, right?" a man says, approaching Jin with a smile. 

"Yes, sir." Jin almost bows, before remembering that that isn't what they do in America. He quickly sticks out his hand and shakes the man's hand.

"Well, it's great to see you. I'm the director, Kelvin Smithson." He smiles at Jin, leading him across the set. "I heard good things about you from Jenkins, so I expect professionalism, okay?" Jin nods just as they hear something shatter and once again, it's from the man in the leather jacket.

"You're fired!" he screams at the aide who whimpers as the man stands over him, shattered glass littering the floor around them. Jin's eyes go wide.

Kelvin sighs. "That's Everett Calvin. He's this big up-and-coming star, but he's a bit of a troublemaker. If you'll excuse me, Jin?"

Jin nods; his eyes have never left the scene in front of him. He watches as Kelvin approaches Everett, saying something as some of the set people help the aide out of the way, sweeping up the glass. Jin frowns. This kind of thing would never have worked back in Japan.

\--

"Hey, you're the newbie." Jin turns around to see Everett standing behind him in his _dressing_ area—his eyes go wide again.

"Um, yeah," Jin mumbles. "Jin Akanishi."

"Nice to meet you. Everett Calvin," he introduces—cordially to Jin’s surprise—before extending his hand to shake Jin's. "Just wanted to let you know you did good today."

Jin snorts. "Are you making fun of me? I only had two lines."

Everett shrugs. "We all start small. Plus, I can tell that Kelvin thought you had some kind of potential."

"Again," Jin says. "Only two lines."

Everett grins wickedly. "Well, maybe next time you'll get three."

Jin blinks. "You seem nicer than you seemed out there."

"Oh that," Everett comments nonchalantly with a wave of his hand. "That was just for show." Jin blinks again and Everett leans in to whisper. "You get noticed more when they see you can turn off the diva persona and actually _act_." Everett pulls back, smirking. " _Trust_ me. I wouldn't be getting so many jobs now if it wasn't for this piece of advice."

"Really?" Jin mumbles, frowning. "I don't know. It just doesn't seem—"

"Like it should work? I know. But Americans like their assholes," Everett says before winking and pulling on his sunglasses. "You look like you could become big, newbie. How about I get your number and I can teach you about America and its ways?"

Jin can't really find a reason for him to say no, so he gives Everett his phone number and watches as Everett leaves, with promises to call Jin soon so they can hang out "or something." 

The next evening, he gets a call from Everett.

Only a week later, he gets another speaking role—with three lines.

\--

It's not for another two months before Jin decides to take Everett's advice—only because he's gotten a little tired of the one line jobs—not that he's not grateful or anything. But there's something to be said when in 5 months, all his jobs equal up to 10 lines. 

He almost forgets about it even until Everett brings it up. "Dude, have you been doing anything about this?"

Jin takes a sip of his drink—some alcoholic concoction that Everett said would make him well and wasted—before sighing. "I've been doing well! Even Mr. Jenkins says so. But I guess people are still wary or something. I don't know."

"Did you try what I said?"

"What? Hit on the help? I don't think—"

"Not that, stupid. I meant the advice on being _noticed_."

Jin snorts, downing the rest of his drink. "I don't know. Acting like an asshole does _not_ seem like the thing that'll get me jobs."

" _Trust_ me," Everett says smoothly before ordering their next round of drinks.

Jin doesn't trust Everett at all—not when he said stupid things like " _Trust_ me, the chicks love it when you insult them. _Repeatedly_." They don't. Not at _all_.

But once he remembers what happened the first time they met, Jin is inclined to believe that maybe, _maybe_ his advice could work. That's what Jin reminds himself anyway when he's screaming at some intern/aide/nameless drone about how everything is _wrong_ and what was the matter with them that they couldn't follow "simple" instructions.

"Hey!" the director yells from across the set.

Jin looks up, steeling himself before meeting the director's eyes. "Yes, sir?" he asks—keeping his voice from cracking.

"Is there a problem here?" 

Jin throws him a bright, obviously forced, smile. "No, sir. Just trying to get things done." 

"Okay then."

Jin turns back to the aide. "Do you understand now?" he snaps.

"Yes, sir," the person squeaks before running off and getting Jin his new drink—or sandwich, Jin's forgotten which he’s protesting. 

To make up for his actions, Jin puts on the best act that he can; he delivers all six lines without having to do anything over—not that he _ever_ had to. 

A week later, he gets a better role to his surprise. "You must've done something good," Mr. Jenkins tells him over the phone. "This director actually asked for you."

Jin freezes and already he can hear Everett’s pleased "I told you so." in his head. He wonders how long he can hold off telling Everett his advice actually worked—hopefully never.

Everett gets it out of Jin the next _night_. "I told you so."

\--

Jin's job ends up being relatively simple—just a few lines, a random friend of the main character who doesn't speak too much (eats a _lot_ though, Jin likes that part), and he does his job _amazingly_ well—if he can say so himself. Behind the scenes, Jin acts as professionally as he did all those times before—insistent that Everett's advice was _not_ what got him his role. 

Except his next job is _shit_ —only _one_ fucking line—and even when Mr. Jenkins is telling him over the phone that it takes a bit of time and getting a less than good job doesn't mean a _thing—"it builds character!"_ —Jin knows that Mr. Jenkins doesn't believe in what he’s saying. 

Jin hates to admit it, but he actually thinks Everett has struck something _good_ with this acting out business.

So he does exactly that—acts out.

That one line job leads to another random friend to the main character role to a larger supporting role. And that's only in a _year_. 

Except, he gets it on such horrible terms that his reputation takes a bit of a beating. Not that he necessarily cares right now—Jin's used to horrible rumors attached to his name.

\--

**2008.**

Jin’s prepping for a new role—another supporting role that, if he does well, will lead him to that illusive leading role—while some lady’s putting make-up on his face when his phone goes off and the person who’s calling is someone he didn’t think would ever call him again.

Hell, he’s half surprised that the other person still has his number.

Jin answers despite thinking it’s a bad idea. "Hello?"

"Jin?" the voice on the other line asks slowly. 

Even though Jin knows who’s calling and he had picked up the phone regardless, hearing his voice is a completely different thing. “Pi,” Jin mumbles. “Hey. How are you?”

“Good,” Yamapi says. “You seem to be doing well too. I heard about your big role.”

Jin’s eyes go wide, but he manages to keep his voice in neutral. “Oh, have you? I’m really excited about it. I heard that if I do well for this, I could get my first leading role.” He knows he’s bragging—can’t stop himself from bragging really.

Yamapi chuckles on the other line. “Well, congratulations and good luck, Jin. You deserve it.”

One line—It only takes _one_ line and Jin breaks inside. He forces himself to act okay. “So what’s up? You. We haven’t spoken for a year.” Jin half-stumbles on his words, not used to speaking in Japanese after so long—he hasn’t forgotten it though.

Yamapi hesitates. “I-” he starts before stopping short.

Jin chuckles. “The way you’re acting, it’s like you’re about to tell me someone died.” Pause. “Wait, nobody _died_ , did they?” Jin says abruptly, standing up in the make-up trailer. The make-up artist looks at him darkly and Jin only sneers. 

“No, no,” Yamapi responds, to which Jin sighs. 

“Speak up then!” Jin snaps, sitting back down. The make-up artist goes back to work. “You made me think you were going to say that Pin died or something.”

“Pin’s fine,” Yamapi says. “I’m just… I’m wondering how to say this.”

“Just straight out, Pi. You know I’m the type who likes things straight out.”

“You’ve become an asshole, haven’t you?”

Jin blinks. Then pauses. Then blinks again. “ _Excuse_ me?”

“I told you, I heard about your role. What I didn’t tell you is that I learnt it through gossip magazines.”

“What’s _that_ supposed to mean?” Jin snaps—hands clutching at the arm rests. He thinks his knuckles are going white, but he can’t see anything through his fury, much less check it.

“That your reputation in America has caught Japan’s attention. That anyone can tell you’re acting like a real _asshole_. And I’m wondering what happened to the Jin that I left in America,” Yamapi retorts—the anger in Yamapi’s voice simultaneously guilts and angers Jin. “I thought you were better than that, Jin.”

“Fuck you!” Jin hisses. “You talk like you’re all high and mighty, but from what I remember, you had _no_ faith that I could make it for a _second_ here. And now that I’m making a name for myself, you’re telling me that I’m “better than that”? What the _fuck_ is that supposed to mean, Yamashita?”

Yamapi’s quiet on the other line for a minute, before he says, “I’m telling you that maybe being in America isn’t for you if you’re _changing_ , Jin. If you’re becoming someone who’s only thinking of better and bigger when you went to America to be _a star_. Is being a jackass the same thing as being a star now? Or has that changed like you have?”

“You have _no_ right to tell me this kind of shit, Pi,” Jin snaps just as the make-up artist frantically gestures that she’s done. Jin gives her a curt smile before leaving the trailer, heading towards his own. “You left me alone a _year_ ago when I needed you to be a supportive friend. And you’re _still_ not being supportive in the least.”

“Because you don’t need supportive, Jin. You need someone that’ll be straight-forward and tell you like it looks like.” Jin stops in his tracks. “And it looks right now like you’re being an asshole just because you know you can get away with it. Your rewards are better fucking roles that you’re only getting because you’re being talked about. Not because your acting is good—and just so you know, you did a _lot_ better with your smaller roles. So don’t tell me I left you alone.”

Jin swallows. “You’re wrong, you know.”

“No, I’m right and you _know_ I’m right, but you’re being stupid and stubborn,” Yamapi snaps. “Maybe now you’ll think twice, Jin. I’ll talk to you later.” 

Jin doesn’t even get to reply before Yamapi hangs up. He kicks a nearest wall and has to resist from screaming at the top of his lung. 

Jin snaps at people more that day than he’s ever done before. 

He even snaps at Everett that evening at dinner; Everett snaps back that he should leave work at work. Jin apologizes a second later, hoping that Yamapi feels guilty in _some_ way for making Jin as mad as he is.

\--

Mr. Jenkins calls him to the office a week later, telling him in a stern voice that it was important and that he shouldn’t miss this meeting. Jin isn’t sure what to make of the meeting but he goes anyway, flirts with Sandra—still a secretary after a year and a half—and enters the office when Mr. Jenkins is free.

“Sit down, Jin,” he says, moving around his desk to sit in his chair. Jin goes to the left chair before stopping and changing to the right one.

Mr. Jenkins chuckles. “You still remember that, huh?”

Jin snorts. “Hard to forget. So why’d you call me in, Mr. Jenkins?”

The man in front of him purses his lips, and the move makes Jin freeze—he feels like it’s a flashback to when he’d gone to Johnny’s office. Jin suddenly wonders if he’s going to be punished for something, _anything_. “Don’t make that face, Jin. I’m not here to punish you.”

Jin lets out his sigh of relief. “Then why _am_ I here, sir?”

“I’ve been concerned about you, Jin. You’ve been acting _strange_ lately.”

Jin blinks. “Um, I… guess?” he says, trying to stop his heart from beating so erratically—like he’s _guilty_ of something. “I haven’t noticed it myself,” he lies.

“I’ve been getting a lot of calls, more than usual, Jin. And they’re complaining about your attitude on set. That you’re acting ungrateful and that you’re turning people away with your actions,” Mr. Jenkins _informs_ him—he doesn’t sound like he’s judging and that twists the knife in Jin’s stomach a little deeper.

Jin licks his lips. “Listen, Mr. Jenkins. I-” he starts, but Mr. Jenkins cuts him off. 

“I’m not here to tell you to _behave_ , Jin. I just wanted to tell you what’s been going on and that I’m a little concerned. I don’t want to say that you’ve changed since you first arrived because that sounds cliché and annoying. So I won’t. I’ll just say one thing. You don’t have to act out to get noticed. At least, not anymore, Jin. I signed you to this agency because I knew that you were talented.”

Jin hates that Yamapi’s voice is suddenly echoing in his head. “Mr. Jenkins,” he starts—his voice cracking as he says it.

“You don’t have to say anything, Jin. Don’t worry about it.” He gives Jin a smile, a smile that Jin doesn’t feel he deserves at this moment. “How about we talk about your next gig?”

Jin swallows, then nods. “Sure. What is it?”

“A lead,” Mr. Jenkins says, grinning. “You got your first lead role.”

Jin stares then whoops loudly. Mr. Jenkins laughs; Jin joins in a minute later.

Afterwards, Jin makes it his first move to call Yamapi and apologize—then to cheer about his new role. Yamapi’s just as happy as Jin is.

\--

Jin doesn’t know what to think when Kame calls him up half-way through the year telling him that the group’s going to L.A. “What?” Jin asks—at a complete loss of words. “You’re _what_?!”

“Going to L.A., Akanishi,” Kame says dryly. 

“Just you?” 

“What? No, the group’s going. We’re having a photo shoot there.”

Jin blinks, suddenly remembering that KAT-TUN’s still together, even if the “A” isn’t there anymore. “Oh.” Jin opens his mouth, trying to say something else. “Oh,” he ends up repeating.

Kame sighs. “The next words should be “I’ll meet up with you guys.”“

“Right,” Jin licks his lips—his mouth feels dry suddenly. “We should meet up.” Somehow, saying the words make him more freaked out than he had been five seconds ago. 

“You could at least sound like you mean it,” Kame snaps.

“It’s not that,” Jin mumbles. “I’m just a little—” he starts, then shakes his head. “No, I _do_ want to meet up with everyone. When are you coming?”

“Tomorrow.”

“Tomorrow!” Jin says shrilly—he can practically hear Kame’s eyes roll on the other line. “No, that’s cool! Really soon, but great! I’ll… I’ll totally be ready.”

Kame laughs on the other line—smooth and fluid, a sound Jin’s not used to hearing. “We _could_ meet later, you know. We’re there for a week.”

Jin lets out a breath he didn’t know he was holding. “That’d be _great_ ,” Jin says. “If that’s okay, I mean.”

“Yes, Akanishi, it’s fine.”

“See you on Thursday then?” Jin asks tentatively.

“Thursday’s fine. We’ll see you then.” 

When Jin hangs up the phone, he licks his lips and clutches his cell. “Shit,” he mumbles—it’d been too long since he’d seen his group. He’s not even sure how to _deal_ with them anymore. He has to remember everything and _more_ in three days time. Jin’s not sure he can do it without killing someone.

Except, it looks more like they’re about to kill someone than he is.

“Hi,” Jin says weakly as he sees them huddled at the corner near the restaurant they’re going to, mumbling to themselves.

The first one to face him, Nakamaru, grins and waves, calling him over. “Hey, Akanishi. It’s been a while, hasn’t it?”

Jin nods, shifting from foot to foot. “Yeah, um. Should we go inside?” Jin asks, gesturing towards the door. They nod; a few murmur their agreement. Jin starts towards the door, the other five follow behind him. 

At the table, the air’s tense and _nobody_ says a word. They all stare at their menus for lack of anything better to do, and when the waiter comes to collect their orders, KT-TUN throw Jin worried glances. Jin chuckles for a second before asking the waiter for a little more time.

“If you guys didn’t understand, you could’ve asked me in the first place,” Jin laughs.

“You seemed _really_ focused on your menu,” Nakamaru insists.

Jin laughs again. “Okay, okay. Let’s figure this out first.”

It takes them only another 5 minutes to figure out their order—and their waiter only returns and leaves _one_ time before they’re ready. 

“So what are you guys shooting?” Jin asks curiously, leaning his elbows against the table.

“It’s for an album booklet,” Koki explains. “The Jimusho wanted to go all out, I guess.”

Jin laughs. “You guys have been doing well, huh? An album,” he breathes.

They exchange glances before Ueda pipes up. “And you?”

Jin blinks. “Um. I’ve been doing well enough,” he says—unsure of how he should phrase it really. Not because he feels like he would be bragging, of _course_ not.

“You didn’t _used_ to be so shy about your work,” Kame snorts, eyes meeting Jin’s.

Jin flushes. “It’s just… Okay, so I got my first lead role about a month ago. It’s nothing bi—” he starts, then rolls his eyes. “Okay, so it’s a big fucking deal and I’m ecstatic to get it, and really, what did you guys want to hear me say?” He frowns.

“Don’t be so defensive,” Taguchi chimes. “We’re not on the offensive.” 

Jin side-steps that one. “Then what—”

“We wanted to congratulate you,” Koki says—although he says it grudgingly. “Look, none of us really thought you’d succeed as much as you did, and we wanted to say.”

“Congratulations,” Ueda finishes. “You did what you wanted.”

Jin doesn’t think he’s breathing anymore. “You’re not mad?”

“We _were_ ,” Koki snorts. “Especially in the beginning.” Koki gives him a meaningful look and Jin has to choke back to his snicker.

“And then we got angry again when those rumors came out that you were a mean asshole in America,” Nakamaru continues. 

“But we’re okay. We’re all stronger than that,” Kame finishes. 

Jin gives them all a bright smile—he doesn’t think he’s ever grinned this widely. 

“So _buttering_ done, let’s _toast_ to us!” Taguchi cheers. The table collectively groans before breaking into laughter. Jin raises his glass, clinking it against the others’ glasses.

“So big question,” Nakamaru mumbles around his spoonful of food about a half hour later.

“Hmm?” Jin asks, turning away from his conversation with Ueda. 

“How do you feel about going back to KAT-TUN at some point? Leaving America behind and coming back to Japan?” Nakamaru asks after swallowing.

Jin blinks, stares really before shaking his head. “No way. I can only get better and better here. Japan’s not for me anymore.” He pauses before adding on. “Not that it’s bad there or anything. It’s just—”

“You don’t have to continue,” Koki snorts. “We got the point.”

“Good,” Kame says suddenly, smiling at Jin from across the table—for the first time that day. “If you’d actually said yes, I would’ve had to hit you or something.”

Jin laughs. “You, hit me? Really?”

“Hey! I learnt a thing or two from One Pound Gospel,” Kame retorts.

Jin pauses. “Wait, _what_?”

“Oh, you are _out of the loop_!” Nakamaru laughs, before proceeding to tell Jin all about Kame’s drama. Jin doesn’t stop laughing that night, can’t stop laughing—it’s like he had forgotten just how much fun his old group was. Jin looks around the table, at the random conversations happening and the smiles. He’s not technically there anymore, but they’re still and always will be KAT-TUN, rooting each other on in their own way—even with one of them across the ocean.


	4. Jin as a Father AU

iv. ["If I had a daughter, I don't even know if I'd be able to work (laugh)."](http://bonjovial.livejournal.com/781556.html)  
\- JJ ~ June 2006

**2014.**

"Papa!" is the word Jin hears first after he walks into his apartment, calling out an "Okaeri!"

Her arms wrap around his neck, tugging him downwards to meet her. Jin grins, dropping his suitcase where he's standing and hoisting her up, touching noses as he does so. Her squeak bounces off the walls of their apartment. "Tadaima, Hana-chan," Jin murmurs before kissing her lightly on the cheek. "Had a good day?"

"Uh-huh!" Hana says cheerfully as Jin carries her into the apartment, leaving his briefcase and shoes by the shoe rack and shuffling into a pair of slippers. "Reiko-chan and I watched TV today, and we saw Pi-ojisan and he was dancing and looked shiny and bright. And Ryo-ojisan was there too! And they were laughing and joking and it was really, really fun! The song was really bouncy, and Reiko-chan and I danced along with them!"

Jin nods, walking into the living room where his sitter, Reiko, is packing up her bags. She looks up at Jin, grinning."Hey, Akanishi-san. Hana-chan was really good today." Hana squirms in Jin's arms before he finally puts her down, and she immediately rushes towards Reiko. Reiko crouches to meet Hana, pulling the little girl into her arms. "Right, Hana-chan?"

"Un!" Hana squeals, tiny arms around Reiko's neck. 

Jin laughs, loosening his tie. "That's good to know. Were there any calls or anything for me?" he asks, addressing Reiko.

"I think your brother called, but you should check the notepad beside the table." Hana meets Reiko's eyes and Jin wonders if he imagines the twinkle in their eyes. "Also, someone's hiding out in your guest room, so you may want to go check on that first."

Jin blinks before he suspiciously approaches Hana who's still clinging tightly to Reiko's neck. He moves to take her from the sitter's arms, hands poised around Hana's sides before he moves in for the attack—tickling her and causing Reiko to slightly step backwards as Hana squirms in her arms. "Papa!" Hana squeals. "I'm not telling! We promised~" She whines in between fits of laughter. Reiko can't help her own laughter as she collapses onto the couch, Jin stopping his attack. 

"Okay, okay," Jin laughs. "I'll go see who our _mysterious_ visitor is." He tugs his tie out from around his neck and unbuttons his top button as he heads towards his guest room, already knowing who's behind the closed door.

He knocks first, even though it's not really necessary, before opening the door and walking in. "Hey, guest," Jin greets, a grin on his face.

Yamapi turns around, looking away from his suitcase, and Jin can see the smile light up his face. "Hey, Akanishi. I see you're finally home. I was beginning to think you abandoned Hana-chan and ran away to America again."

"Yeah, wouldn't you just _love_ to take Hana off my hands?" Jin snorts.

"Can I take Reiko-chan away too?" Yamapi jokes, slipping his pajama pants into one of the drawers.

"Only if you pay her enough money."

"I earn twice what you do," Yamapi snorts. "I don't think that'll be a problem."

Jin rolls his eyes. "So what are you doing here? I thought you guys had rehearsals and whatnot for tour."

"Wow, you're _really_ behind." Yamapi raises an eyebrow. "Our tour was like four months ago." 

"Oh," Jin says. "So then what brings you here?"

"Vacation time. Thought you and Hana-chan'd like some company." 

"Don't you have your _own_ family to spend your vacation time with?" Jin snorts.

"Okaa-san's going away and Rina made it clear that under no terms should I drop by home." Yamapi scrunches his nose. "I think she's bringing her fiancé over. I _really_ don't want to be there for that."

Jin laughs, leading Yamapi towards the living room where Hana has started watching some new show and Reiko has finished packing her things together. "Hana-chan~" Yamapi calls out and the little girl turns around abruptly, squealing as she runs into Yamapi's arms. 

Jin shakes his head as Reiko passes him. "Well, Akanishi-san, I'm off tonight." She turns to wink at Hana who giggles at her at eye level in Yamapi’s arms. "I'll see you later, Hana-chan." Reiko’s out the door the next second.

Jin grins at Yamapi and Hana, and heads for the kitchen, grabbing the pink apron Yamapi had given as a joke birthday gift two years ago. “Who’s ready for dinner?” Jin asks. 

“Me!” Yamapi and Hana chorus. Jin grins wider.

\--

Jin ends up giving Reiko the week off with Yamapi around; he knows that Hana’s in more than capable hands—and that Yamapi wouldn’t mind at all babysitting. Or if he did, he never mentioned it. 

“Are you sure?” Jin asks as he’s heading through his hallway, buttoning up his shirt and fixing his tie around his neck. “I can always call in from work.”

Yamapi rolls his eyes. “Don’t you think we’ve had this discussion too many times already?” He tilts his head slightly, crossing his arms and raising an eyebrow.

Jin frowns as he enters his daughter’s room—Hana’s fast asleep at 6 in the morning—and then leans over to press a kiss to her forehead. Hana stirs, kicking off a part of the blanket, exposing her right side and Jin chuckles, pulling the blankets up and over to cover her. She doesn’t stir again and Jin sighs as he watches his daughter sleep. Yamapi’s hand is on his elbow, and he’s pulling Jin out of the room; softly, Yamapi tells him that he has to go to work. 

“But-” Jin starts, whining.

“Come on, Bakanishi. You have responsibilities,” Yamapi reminds him as he leads Jin towards the front door—Jin barely managing to grab his briefcase off the dining room table before he’s changing from his slippers to his shoes.

“You know,” Jin frowns. “I don’t appreciate you kicking me out of my own house. It should _so_ be the other way around.” He stands at the doorway, facing Yamapi who’s chuckling.

“If it weren’t for me right now, you’d never go to work.”

Jin huffs. “You mean I have you to blame.”

“Rationalize it how you like,” Yamapi says, pointing out the doorway. “Think on it as you work today.”

Jin’s down the steps, pouting as he starts on his way to the train station. When he turns back, he sees Yamapi leaning against his doorway just watching him leave. When he sees Jin looking at him, he waves and Jin can just make out the grin on his face. Jin doesn’t want to admit it, but his heart skips a beat at the sight.

\-- 

For the week that Yamapi’s at Jin’s house, every night Jin comes home from work, he finds someone new from the Jimusho. Wednesday, his “Tadaima” is greeted with a “Finally! I thought you’d never get home. Pi refused to feed us until then.”

He passes by the table where Hana’s cheering and the four of the NewS members groan loudly. “What’s going on here?”

“Playing cards!” Hana says happily.

“Yeah, and she’s beating us _all_ ,” Shige says dryly.

“Seriously. I would almost think she’s cheating if she wasn’t _four_ ,” Ryo moans, throwing his head back against the couch.

“Again, again!” Hana exclaims, trying to put the cards back together messily. 

Tegoshi chuckles, doing the task for her. “Sure, Hana-chan. Again, right guys?” he beams brightly at the other three; beside him, Hana does the same thing.

“It’s like a double threat,” Koyama mumbles to Shige. Shige shakes his head.

Jin finds Yamapi and Massu finishing up their cooking and the rest of the evening is filled with good food and lots of laughter. And lots of kidnapping attempts as Jin has to stop someone from taking Hana every second by simply throwing a large coat over her and walking out the door (he expected a _little_ better planning from Shige). 

\--

Thursday, Jin enters to Hana screaming loudly, and immediately, he drops his suitcase by the shoe rack and stumbles inside, forgetting to take his shoes off. When he enters the living room though, he only finds Hana standing beside Takki as they play some game on the Wii, remotes in their hands.

“Hey, Jin,” Yamapi greets from the couch, before telling Takki to move to the right, the _right_!

Jin stares. “Why was there screaming?” he asks, half out of breath.

“Papa! Takki-ojiisan’s _cheating_ ,” Hana whines before passing her father Wii remote. “He tickled me while I was about to bowl!”

Takki frowns. “I didn’t! It was just a great time to have a tickle attack, like now!” he says before moving to tickle Hana’s sides. Hana screams again, tugging on Jin’s pants leg before Jin picks her up. Takki laughs before pulling back, joining Yamapi on the couch. “You know, Akanishi, your daughter’s better at games than she should be,” Takki points out.

Hana sticks her tongue out before Jin gives her a stern look.

“Gets it all from her dad,” Jin says, preening as he puts Hana down, snapping on the strap from the Wiimote. He then scores a spare and turns to give Takki and Yamapi a pleased grin. 

“I’ll see it when I believe it,” Yamapi snorts.

“Let’s play teams!” Hana cheers, pulling Yamapi and Takki off the couch. “Me and papa, Pi-ojisan with Takki-ojiisan!”

“Why do I get the ojiisan?” Takki whines.

Yamapi and Jin side-step the question and start the game over again. 

“Papa?” Hana asks five minutes later. “Why are your shoes still on?” Jin curses to himself; Yamapi covers Hana’s ears and throws him a stern glare.

\--

That Friday, Jin has the day off and spends it at home making breakfast, then lunch with both Hana and Yamapi—for the most part, it’s just Jin doing the work as they get distracted by a new episode of some show. 

Someone knocks on the door and Jin sticks his head out to call Yamapi to open it; Yamapi nods, not listening to Jin whatsoever. Jin rolls his eyes, brushing his hands off on a nearby towel before opening the door himself. Jin blinks when he sees Yabu and Reio, side-by-side, and waving at Jin like it’s normal for them to _both_ drop by for a visit.

“Hey, Akanishi-kun!” Yabu says cheerfully. 

Reio gives Yabu a dirty look before saying to Jin, “Yo, onii-san.”

“Er. Hey, you two,” Jin says awkwardly as Yamapi yells from inside, “Who is it?”

“Yabu and Reio,” Jin yells back, before ushering the two in.

“Ah! It’s Rei-ojisan!” Hana squeals as soon as she sees Reio, rushing over to give him a hug. She looks up innocently at Yabu a second later. “And who are you?” she asks.

Yabu laughs about to open his mouth before Jin interrupts. “He’s your other oji-san. I adopted him into the family years ago,” he grins.

“Ah,” Hana says in understanding before curtsying in front of Yabu and saying. “I’m Akanishi Hana! Nice to meet you.”

Yabu blinks before saying. “Your daughter’s _really_ polite, Akanishi-kun.”

“I taught her—” Jin starts before Yamapi interrupts. “She got it from her mother.” Jin throws Yamapi a glare. 

“Well, I’m Yabu Kouta,” Yabu introduces, crouching down to meet Hana eye-to-eye. “I really liked your dad when we were younger. He was really nice to me.”

Hana beams. “Papa’s really nice, isn’t he?”

Reio and Yamapi simultaneously snort; Jin throws them _both_ dirty looks. They smile innocently. 

The entire day, Yamapi and Reio team up to torture Jin—teasing him at every turn. Hana giggles and Yabu just smiles brightly at them all. “And this is why I chose Yabu as a brother,” Jin retorts after Reio tells everyone about a bed wetting experience Jin had as a kid.

Reio sticks out his tongue. Hana giggles all over again.

\--

It’s on Saturday that his former band members come by for a visit. Jin blinks when he sees KT-TUN on his couch, Hana and Kame playing with Ueda’s hair and trying to pull it into multiple ponytails while Koki and Taguchi put nail polish on Ueda’s fingernails and toe nails. Jin raises an eyebrow. “Wow, just the kind of sight a person wants to see once they get home,” he comments, tossing his briefcase to the side and picking up Hana from the couch, pecking her on the cheek.

“Hey, Akanishi,” Ueda says, trying to wave except Koki tells him forcefully to stop moving.

“Pi’s in the kitchen with Nakamaru,” Kame comments, tying up another handful of hair with one of the hair baubles lying around the house. Jin shakes his head and goes to check up on dinner.

Jin didn’t expect there to be any reason for KT-TUN’s visit, since the other visits didn’t have one—so when they ask him at the table to come back to Johnny’s so that he can manage some new group, Jin drops his chopsticks in his shock.

Yamapi looks equally as stunned when Jin turns to him, almost accusingly for letting them in when they had an ulterior motive. Jin swallows.

“What?” he asks again, wondering if he imagined the last five seconds.

Koki snorts. “You didn’t need to make it sound like we’re asking you to come back _completely_.”

“Or that the idea of returning is that horrible,” Nakamaru tacks on.

Jin picks up his chopsticks. “It’s not like that,” he starts.

“Don’t worry about it,” Kame says, shaking his head. “Let us explain before you explode, will you?”

Jin nods, but something inside of him is reluctant to even listen to what they have to say. Hana looks up at him with wide eyes—lips pouting and hair all messily tied up in multiple ponytails. He cracks a smile, patting her on the head as he tells her to finish her dinner, before saying to the rest that he would listen, but makes no promises.

“We wouldn’t expect any less from you,” Taguchi chimes up.

Turns out that the Jimusho heard of Jin’s job as a manager—a good one in fact. His talents weren’t as widespread as most others, but that was mainly for the fact that they wanted to focus more on their music than making money and getting into the music business—they were refreshing people to be around.

Except the Jimusho wanted to pull Jin back into said music business by managing one of their newest groups—Himitsu, a trio made of up-and-coming juniors: Hishida Mamoru, Miyazaki Takumi and Tsutaya Hiroaki. 

“Clever,” Jin snorts when he hears their name. 

“Yeah. Johnny-san was _really_ proud of himself when he came up with it,” Ueda says before explaining that it wasn’t going to be permanent, but they trusted Jin enough to build up their marketability, not with their jobs and songs but because of whom Jin had been. 

“So?” Yamapi asks later that night when KT-TUN is gone and Hana’s safely tucked in bed. He pours whiskey into small shot glasses in front of them before they raise their glasses to each other, glass clinking as they lightly knock them together and then throw back the alcohol in one swallow.

“So?” Jin repeats, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand.

“Are you going to accept?” Yamapi asks, going straight to the point.

Jin exhales, throwing his head back. “I don’t know,” he mumbles, pulling out a cigarette and lighting it up. Yamapi quickly moves to open up the window in the living room across from them.

“I thought you quit,” Yamapi comments walking back to the table.

“I did. I only smoke when I’m _really_ stressed.” Jin takes a drag from the cigarette.

“I meant the Jimusho.”

“Does that mean you think I shouldn’t take it?” 

“Yes,” Yamapi answers without taking a second to think about it, pouring more whiskey into the glasses. 

“Why not?”

“Because you shouldn’t go back to something that made you miserable.”

Jin pauses, before taking another drag. “Being in the Jimusho didn’t make me miserable.”

“So why haven’t you told Hana-chan about your past there?”

“Just because I didn’t want to tell her my past life as a Japanese idol doesn’t mean that it didn’t make me happy,” Jin retorts. “I mean, what do I even say? “Hey, honey. I used to be just like all your uncles—dancing on stage and singing and shaking my hips.” Really, Pi, what do you expect?”

“That when Hana-chan asks something like, “How do you know all these people, papa?” You’ll say something more than, “they’re old friends.”“

Jin frowns at Yamapi, swallowing his shot. “Pi, you’re my best friend and you’ve been helping me with Hana for the past four years, but you didn’t raise her. What I decide to say or not say to my daughter is not something you get to decide.”

Yamapi stares, pauses, and then throws back his shot before exhaling. “I know that you had trouble raising Hana-chan after Nishiyama-chan—”

“Pi, no,” Jin interrupts roughly. 

Yamapi stops, then sighs. “You’re going to have to deal with her death at _some_ point, Jin.”

“I have. I just don’t like people bringing it up randomly for no particular reason, that’s all,” Jin snaps, pouring his own drink.

Yamapi exhales steadily. “Stop picking a fight. I only asked one thing. Are you or are you not going to take the job at the Jimusho?”

“Yes,” Jin answers, throwing back another shot. “I’m going to take it, because there’s no reason for me to be _scared_ of them. I’m in the industry anyway—why would taking on this job be any different?”

Yamapi nods. “Okay, then that’s that.” He grins at Jin. “See, that wasn’t as tough as you were making it out to be.”

Jin snorts. “It was like pulling teeth at the dentist.” Yamapi chuckles, throwing back his shot.

“Come on,” Yamapi says before pouring another glass and drinking it in one gulp. “You should probably get to sleep. You have work.”

Jin chuckles. “It’s Sunday tomorrow. If you wanted to get into bed with me, just say it, Pi.”

“Yeah, that’s _exactly_ my intention,” Yamapi snorts, before standing up and moving towards the guest room. 

Jin snickers as he stays seated, pouring himself another drink. He doesn’t notice that Yamapi turns around in the hallway to get a good look at Jin, a frown on his face.

\--

Yamapi leaves the day after—they’re getting ready for a new single promotion and he still hasn’t memorized the song properly yet. Before he leaves, they spend the day out with Hana at the nearest amusement park. Jin thinks he’ll forever remember their outing.

\--

The next day, Jin goes over to the Jimusho, ready to get his assignment and meet the talents. He tightens his tie again, frowning as he walks through the doors and heads straight up to the office he’d entered so many years ago, quitting for the sake of a new life. 

“Great to see you back, Akanishi.”

Jin resists from shifting, from licking his lips or fidgeting in his spot out of nervousness—it wouldn’t do to show Johnny that he’s scared or _anything_ like that. “Great to be back,” Jin lies with a pleasant smile. “Thank you for thinking of me, Johnny-san.”

“Honestly, Akanishi, I had no plans to,” Johnny says plainly. “But I heard you do well with bands that don’t want the large fame and fortune, so what would happen if you had a group set for that? I want to see it.”

Jin shivers under his gaze, still keeping the smile on his face—pleasant, he wouldn’t stop being _pleasant_. “I understand. Thank you again for the opportunity.”

Johnny nods. “How about you meet your talent?” he presses a button on the intercom, telling the person on the other line to let them into the office. 

Almost instantly, three teenagers stumble into the room—the members of Himitsu. They stand in a line on Jin’s side, giving him dirty looks whenever they can through the corners of their eyes. Jin wonders if this is going to be as much of a headache as he’s starting to think it will be.

“This is Himitsu. Hishida Mamoru-kun,” Johnny gestures to the one at the far left—black hair flattened down by the red and white cap on his head. “17 years old, has been a part of the Jimusho for 3 years now. He’s the leader of the group.” Jin nods, mentally filing away the information.

“Miyazaki Takumi.” The next kid down—seems like they automatically stand in name order—Jin remembers _those_ days. He’s the tallest of the group with a height that could rival Yabu’s, lanky and awkward. His dark brown hair flops messily on his head—like he hadn’t bothered to comb it that morning. “Also 17 years old. Frequently known to cause trouble,” Johnny says sternly—Miyazaki’s smile only gets brighter. Jin thinks he’s going to like that kid.

“And lastly, Tsutaya Hiroaki. The youngest at 16. The singer of the group, for the most part. I’m sure you can bond over that, right, Akanishi-kun?” Johnny asks flippantly. Tsutaya cowers slightly—Jin really hopes he’s not that easily pushed around—the smallest of the group to boot. There’s a circle of beauty marks to the left side of his cheek that almost looks like it forms a heart.

Jin chuckles lightly. “Johnny-san, I’m sure the four of us will get along fine.” Jin turns to the boys and bows. “Akanishi Jin, your manager for your debut. I hope we work well together.”

The boys chorus their polite greeting as well, before the four face Johnny again.

“Great,” Johnny says. “Aoi-chan at the front desk should have the schedule list all prepared. Have a good day, boys.” He waves the four out of the room and Jin has to hold back his snide remarks as he ushers the three boys back into the hallway. They’re quiet as they walk towards the elevator, Jin getting informed of everything necessary—like their meeting room number.

Jin sighs as they enter their room, plopping his briefcase into the chair nearest the front one and throwing papers on top of the desk in front of his seat. Except when he moves to take it, Hishida’s already sitting there. “I hope you realize that you should be getting on my _good_ side,” Jin snips, leaning forward to look Hishida in the eye.

Hishida gives him a bright smile. “I don’t expect you to stay long enough to have to get on your good side,” he retorts.

Jin raises an eyebrow. “What’s that mean?”

Miyazaki, who’s pulled one of the chairs away from the table and taken to spinning around in it, answers. “You’re our, what? _Third_ possible debut manager?” 

“Fourth,” Tsutaya says quietly from the other side of the table.

Jin blinks. He hadn’t heard that—hell, he was slightly surprised that the Jimusho was still pushing for their debut at this point. He wonders if their popularity was big enough to keep the Jimusho insistent. “Well,” Jin says, covering. “Let’s just say that I’m more experienced in dealing with bratty juniors.”

“Yeah, sure,” Hishida snorts. “Akanishi Jin, washed-up Johnny’s boy back to manage the bright and shimmering future of rising juniors,” he mocks.

“First of all, I am _not_ a washed-up Johnny’s boy,” Jin snaps.

“You quit when the group was _good_. Nobody even knows why,” Miyazaki laughs. “Probably because you couldn’t handle the pressure.”

Jin purses his lips. “The media didn’t learn why I quit. Everyone in the Jimusho knows full well why, so don’t go yapping your mouth about something you don’t understand.”

“So why?” Tsutaya asks. He looks up at Jin, brown eyes wide and curious.

Jin sighs. “I don’t tell my private life to a bunch of teenagers who could care less.” He looks Hishida in the eye. “Now get out of my chair and go sit down.” Hishida stares Jin down for a second before grumbling as he gets up, even pulling Miyazaki back to the table.

“Good. Now let’s get started,” Jin says.

\--

They don’t finish till late that evening and Jin leaves the building feeling mentally and physically depleted. He manages to bump into the old KAT-TUN manager (probably still their manager to this day), and greets him with a smile. “How about a drink?” Jin suggests, more feeling that he needs a good drinking buddy than anything else.

“Sure,” Sato agrees, leading Jin to the closest bar—seeming to know the inhabitants more than he really should.

“Come here often?” Jin asks. Sato chuckles, then promptly orders their drinks, never answering Jin’s question.

Jin ends up spilling his frustrations about this new group after a couple of shots. “Is this what it was like taking care of me?” Jin asks Sato sourly before downing another shot.

Wisely, Sato never says a word, just gives Jin a crooked smile and downs a shot himself.

Jin sighs, hanging his head. “Yeah, that’s what I thought you’d say.” He rests his head on the counter, tucked inside his arms.

“You know, it’s not going to be easy taking care of a new group. Especially one that thinks they’re _entitled_ to the best immediately,” Sato says. Jin winces, but doesn’t say anything. “I was your group’s _third_ manager and I learnt some things. You have to listen to them first before you can get them to listen to you.” 

Jin sighs. “It’s the listening to them that’s a bit of a problem.” Jin yawns before glancing down at his clock. “Crap, I gotta get home. Reiko’s probably waiting for me at the apartment.”

Sato smiles as he watches Jin pack up. “How’s Hana-chan?” he asks.

“Great,” Jin says happily, pulling out his wallet. “She’s gotten so big now. Four years old.” He preens—passing Sato a small picture of Hana.

“Looks a lot like her mother,” Sato comments off-handedly as he passes the photo back.

“Yeah.” Jin smiles. “She really does.” He says his good-byes as he leaves, heading straight home to his daughter.

\--

Jin finds out that night that Reiko’s going away for vacation for two weeks. “I’m really sorry, Akanishi-kun,” she mumbles, refusing to look him in the eye.

“Reiko-chan, why are you apologizing? You should go on vacation. It’s summer break after all,” he says softly as he checks in on Hana.

“Because it’s on such short notice,” Reiko whispers as they step back outside.

Jin smiles. “I’ll just see if my mom—”

“She’s on vacation, Akainshi-kun. She left that message a week ago.”

Jin blinks. “Okay, then maybe Reio—”

“Reio-kun has filming.”

“How do you know more about my family than I do?” Jin blurts out. 

Reiko flushes. “They call a lot during the day. And I remember what I write down just in case.”

That’s why Jin has Hana at hand, leading her into the Jimusho building and making a beeline to NewS’ meeting room where he _knows_ they’re in today. “Please, Pi?” Jin whines. “Reiko’s away and I need someone to watch her as I go tend to the brats.” He’s half ready to get on his knees and _beg_ if he must.

Yamapi shakes his head. “We’re only here for a couple of hours and then going to a photo shoot. I can’t really take care of her, Jin.”

Jin’s lower lip shakes. “Just for those few hours, please?”

“And then what?”

“KAT-TUN’s in the building later. I could get one of them to take care of her.” Jin’s eyes go wide and watery—something he taught Hana well.

“Why don’t you just bring her to your meeting?” Yamapi asks.

Jin frowns. “Because they don’t know why I quit and I’m not about to let them know, not unless I can trust them.”

Yamapi sighs. “Okay, okay. I’ll take care of Hana-chan. Where is she anyway?” Jin snickers, pointing behind Yamapi where Hana’s making origami at the table with Shige and Massu. Yamapi pauses. “How long has she been there?”

“Since I entered the room. You’re so attentive,” Jin laughs before heading out the door. “Thanks a lot!” 

When he enters the meeting room, Hishida, Miyazaki and Tsutaya are huddled together at the table, breaking apart as soon as they see Jin.

“Hi, Akanishi- _san_ ,” Miyazaki greets, sitting back in his chair and smiling like the Cheshire cat that’s just gotten a treat.

Jin raises an eyebrow. “Only one second and already I’m suspicious. You guys suck at hiding shit,” he comments before putting his suitcase on the table, pulling out their schedule for the day.

“What if we didn’t want to hide anything?” HIshida points out.

“Or if there’s nothing to hide,” Tsutaya tacks on, hiding his smile.

Jin snorts. “If only I could believe you guys.”

Hishida beams right before Jin takes a seat, tumbling out of said seat a second later as the bottom half collapses on him. Jin screams _gracefully_ as the chair breaks underneath him. Above him, Jin can hear the uproarious laughter of the three.

“Clever,” Jin hisses.

Miyazaki laughs hard as he fights to say, “Dude, you _still_ scream like a girl.”

“Shut up, brat,” Jin snaps, reaching up to grab the table to get back up, except the surface is coated with some sort of oil and Jin only falls flat on his back again. Himitsu breaks out into laughter again—Jin curses the world in his head.

\--

That’s basically the same kind of treatment that Jin gets for the next week, _annoyingly_ so. It’s also at the end of that week that Jin finally has to reveal Hana to the three boys, something he hadn’t wanted to do—but he was _seriously_ running out of babysitters and at this point, he had nothing to lose. He’d stayed for a _week_ , longer than most people had—they were starting to get used to him too.

“This is my daughter, Akanishi Hana.” The stunned looks from the three boys is almost worth it for everything.

“Your _daughter_?” Tsutaya exclaims, the first to speak up.

“Yes, Hana-chan, introduce yourself,” Jin says, looking down at her.

Hana beams, curtsying. “Good morning! I’m Akanishi Hana. It’s nice to meet you!”

Miyazaki tries to close his jaw, but it only falls open again. “I—” he starts, before he stops short.

“How old are you, Hana-chan?” Tsutaya asks, crouching to meet her and extending a hand. Hana takes it happily, shaking it vigorously.

“I’m four!” she chimes, even holding up four of her fingers to prove it.

“Four years,” Hishida says carefully, his eyes meeting Jin’s. Jin gives him an even stare, almost daring him to make a comment. He doesn’t.

Hana becomes a permanent addition to their meetings, always holding hands with one of the members as they lead her to the next location. Or sometimes, Miyazaki carries her on his shoulders—when Jin tries that, Hana makes a comment that it’s not as high as Miyazaki-onisan with a pout. Jin never does it again.

\--

Three months later, Jin’s in the middle of planning their debut tour when he sees the Tokyo Dome stage again after announcing on that very stage his retirement from KAT-TUN four years ago. Jin exhales as he takes that step on top of the stage, turning to get a good look at the multitude of chairs surrounding it.

When he closes his eyes, he can almost imagine the loud cheers and screams of the fangirls, maybe fan _boys_ , surrounding him. The rush of excitement fills his blood and Jin fights to swallow it down.

“Akanishi-san?” Tsutaya asks from behind him. Jin opens his eyes again, spinning around to face him.

“Yes, Tsutaya-kun?”

He shuffles awkwardly. “Is there any chance you can give me some pointers? I heard really good things about you.”

Jin laughs. “I don’t know if I’m fit to teach you guys anything. It’s been a while.”

“It’s only been four years,” Tsutaya says. “I’m sure you remember something.”

Jin cracks a smile. “I guess I can help a little.” Tsutaya’s smile widens and he immediately starts showing Jin their most recent routine. 

Hana swings her legs back and forth in her chair, watching Jin quickly repeat Himitsu’s dance steps. She tilts her head to the side, curious. “Your dad’s a good dancer, huh?” Hishida comments as he settles into the seat beside her, a towel around his neck.

“Un!” Hana says happily, nodding.

“It’s too bad he left the stage.” 

Hana blinks up at him. “Left the stage?”

Miyazaki takes the seat on Hana’s other side. “Yeah, you’ve met his band members before, remember? KAT-TUN? He was the “A.”“

“Papa was?”

Miyazaki and Hishida exchange worried looks right before Jin calls out to them. “Hey! Don’t slack off, you two!” They stumble over the chairs on their way to the stage. Hana giggles slightly and Jin meets her eye, waving. “We’ll be done here soon, Hana-chan,” he yells from the stage. Hana giggles and nods, waving back.

\--

Jin doesn’t even find out that Hana vaguely knows about his involvement with KAT-TUN until another month later when Nakamaru calls him up after KT-TUN babysit her one afternoon. “What do you mean she was asking about me?”

“Look, we know that you haven’t told her yet so when she asked us if she could see videos of her dad performing on stage, it kind of set of warning sirens,” Nakamaru explains. 

“Did you?” Jin asks, anxious. 

“We managed to get her to forget about it a minute later, but Jin, you know how determined that girl is. She definitely got _that_ from you.”

Jin frowns. “How did she even—” he starts, before Nakamaru cuts him off. “At this point, it doesn’t matter. She was bound to find out eventually.”

“No,” Jin says stubbornly. “I wanted to keep her away from that lifestyle.”

“Then by staying in the entertainment business, even as a manager, was not the way to do it. Johnny’s eventually going to let slip who’s taking care of his newest talent, and once he does, they’re going to be all over you. You can’t hide Hana-chan from that forever, Jin. No matter how good a father you are.”

“But—”Jin starts; Nakamaru interrupts again. “She needs to hear about your past from _you_ , Jin. Not from other people.”

Jin sighs. Nakamaru doesn’t say a word. “Oh, _now_ you’re going to let me talk?” Jin snaps sarcastically. 

Nakamaru chuckles. “Go home, will you? I’m sure you’ll figure out what to do about Hana-chan.”

Jin frowns, shutting his phone before sighing loudly. “For _once_ ,” he mumbles to himself. “For once, I’d like for things to go my way.”

\--

That night, Jin arrives just in time to catch Hana before she goes to bed. He tells her almost everything—there are some things that teenage boys talked about and did that was not necessary for a four year old to know. She beams at him brightly and asks, “Does that mean you were as shiny and bright as all my ojisans?”

Jin laughs. “Yes. It does.”

“Even with those weird feathers?” Hana wrinkles her nose—at least his daughter has _some_ sense of style.

Jin laughs and leans forward, touching foreheads. “Even with those weird feathers.” 

“Do you miss it?” Hana asks softly.

Jin pulls back and shakes his head. “No, not when I have you around to keep me happy,” he says before leaning forward to press a kiss to her cheek. “Now go to bed, okay?”

Hana nods, settling into her covers. “Ne, papa?” she asks when Jin’s at the doorway, finger poised over the light switch.

“Hmm?”

“Can I see you perform?”

Jin smiles. “Sure, I’d be more than happy to show you.” Jin sees Hana’s smile right before the room goes dark.

\--

Five months is how long it takes before Jin finally sees the fruit of all his work in managing Himitsu. He stands in the wings of the stage, watching as they finish off their third encore for the night, the _last_ night of their debut tour.

“This is for our manager!” Hishida yells into the microphone. “He helped us get through a lot, and he actually _stuck around_.” They break out into their first single, Himitsu, for the second time that night.

Jin flushes as Sato pats him on the back, beaming at him. “Wow, you even got them to mention you, good job.”

“It wasn’t anything too much,” Jin insists. “I only took care of their schedule.”

“You got them to trust you, Akanishi-kun. That says more than enough.”

Jin raises an eyebrow. “Are you buttering me up? Is there something you need from me?”

Sato laughs, shaking his head. “You’ve been in the business for far too long,” he comments.

“Don’t I know it,” Jin snorts.

“Johnny-san wants to know if you’ll stay on. Manage Himitsu from now on.”

Jin stops, looks back onto the stage where Himitsu have joined hands, bowing at the crowd, where Hana and Reiko stand at the first row, screaming at the top of their lungs—a blue penlight in Hana’s small grip. Jin cracks a smile, then nods. “Okay. I can take on those brats a little longer,” he says turning to Sato.

Sato grins, shaking Jin’s hand. “That’s the attitude.” Jin laughs right before Himitsu tackle him.

“Akanishi-san, it’s over!” Hishida yells into his ear. “I can’t believe our tour is _over_.”

“God, does that mean we get a freaking break?” Miyazaki groans, leaning against a wall.

“A break?!” Tsutaya exclaims, more than ecstatic at the thought. 

Jin chuckles. “You get a week off, but after that, back to the office for a meeting with me, okay?”

“Okay,” Himitsu chime in exhaustion, moving to their dressing room to take a shower before Hishida spins around. “Wait, with _you_?” he asks.

“Yeah. I’m staying on as your manager.”

Miyazaki whoops while Tsutaya tackles Jin for the second time—he may be small, but he packed a bit of weight. “Yes!” they exclaim loudly. 

“That’s exactly how it should be!” Miyazaki cheers. “We’ll be awesome with you taking care of us.”

“What a turn around,” Jin laughs, Tsutaya still clinging to him around the waist.

“We thought you weren’t half bad,” Hishida says, grinning.

“You guys aren’t half bad either,” Jin retorts. “Now Tsutaya, you have to get off me. I think your sweat’s dripping onto my suit.” Tsutaya sniffles, pulling away.

“I’m so glad you’re staying,” he says. Jin smiles—he’s glad he is too.


	5. Reality

v. ["I feel that shouldn't we just be as we are and continue to move at our pace? We should all individually do what we want, upgrade ourself and then put our power together and show them off."](http://maishampoo.livejournal.com/7547.html)  
\- 2007 Concert Pamphlet

**2008.**

They laugh when Taguchi suggests they have dinner, an early Christmas dinner. Except Ueda adds in a sarcastic, “Yeah, and then we’ll have a sleepover at my place.”

The laughter dies down a little after that. Koki says what they’re all thinking. “Why not?”

Taguchi’s grin widens. “It’ll be great! We haven’t had a Christmas together for years,” he points out.

Kame frowns. “Yeah, but when do we have the time to actually get together?”

“After Music Station filming!” Taguchi says, seeming to have planned it all out.

“I’m for it,” Nakamaru chimes in, shrugging.

Koki chuckles. “Sounds like a plan.”

“And if you guys _want_ ,” Ueda adds reluctantly, “I guess you could crash at my place.”

“We’d make you open the door, Uebo,” Jin says cheekily. Ueda glares at him.

Kame snorts. “Okay, I guess this Friday then.”

\--

It’s not like they’ve never had dinner together before—but for some reason, there’s something awkward about this particular gathering that Jin can’t really pinpoint. But nobody seems to acknowledge it—they’re all talking normally, joking around and teasing Taguchi as much as possible. As always, Taguchi takes it all with ease.

“Jin. Jin!” Ueda yells from beside him, hand in Jin’s face. “What’s up with you? You haven’t been yourself.”

Jin shakes his head, blinking. “Nothing, nothing. It’s a bit of a weird day,” he comments before taking a sip of wine.

“Weird?” Ueda asks.

“I don’t really know—” Jin starts, but Koki butts into their conversation.

“What’s _weird_ , Akanishi, is that you’ve barely touched your drink. You should get on that.” 

Jin rolls his eyes. “It’s wine, not exactly the kind of alcohol you just throw back.”

Koki wrinkles his nose. “Maybe that’s what’s weird.”

Jin blinks.

\--

Jin thinks Koki has a point. They’re in a fancy restaurant, being proper—or at least trying to—with their fancy wine glasses, fancy cutlery and fancy food that just does _not_ equal a full serving despite what they think.

“Why _are_ we here?” Jin asks Ueda.

Ueda shrugs, carefully cutting off a piece of his steak. “I think Taguchi made the reservation actually.”

Jin raises an eyebrow. “Taguchi? He’s really into this, isn’t he?”

“Don’t we know it,” Ueda says before biting his piece slowly.

At the other end of the table, Taguchi is starting to look as uncomfortable in this place as Jin feels—fidgeting and dropping his utensils. “Taguchi, what’s wrong?” Kame hisses when he passes Taguchi his fork.

“Ah, I’m just not used to high class places like this,” Taguchi chuckles, hand behind his head as he bows apologetically.

“Then why’d we come here?” Kame asks, raising an eyebrow.

“Because it felt like we should go somewhere like this,” Taguchi says sheepishly.

Kame chuckles. “You worked hard for this, didn’t you?” Taguchi doesn’t meet his gaze.

\--

“I can’t believe we left before we got dessert,” Nakamaru whines as they’re leaving the restaurant.

“I think you’ve been hanging around Masuda too much,” Jin snorts, pushing Nakamaru in front of him. “We’ll get you some dessert later.”

“We didn’t have to leave,” Taguchi says as Kame’s pushing him into the middle seats of the van. 

“Yes, we did,” Ueda snorts. “Let’s go somewhere more us, okay?” 

Kame moves to take the driver’s seat and Jin yells from the back, “You didn’t drink, did you?”

“No, Akanishi. I’m sober enough to drive, okay?” Kame turns his head to yell, buckling in.

“Good! I wouldn’t want our outing to end in a car crash. How much would you _never_ want to have dinner together again?”

Kame laughs, reversing out of their parking spot. “Only you would think of something like that.”

\--

They end up going to some ramen restaurant—bowls of steaming ramen in front of them and jugs of beer to the side. “God, this is so much better,” Jin exhales as he puts down his beer.

“How are we _still_ hungry?” Nakamaru asks, in the middle of chewing.

Koki, sitting on Nakamaru’s side, rolls his eyes as he pushes Nakamaru’s face away from him. “Dude, chew and _then_ talk, will you? You’re gonna make me lose my appetite.”

“I don’t know how those places can satisfy a person’s hunger,” Jin grumbles.

“You’d have to order more than we did,” Kame snorts.

“I didn’t really know what was on the menu,” Taguchi chuckles awkwardly.

“See, _so_ much better,” Jin chimes.

Ueda rolls his eyes, only with a glass of water in front of him. “You guys are just not used to—”

“Fanciness?” Koki finishes.

“Properness!” Jin adds, even punching a fist into the air.

“Prissiness?” Nakamaru continues, averting his gaze when Ueda glares at him.

“We’re just not that kind of group,” Kame says. “We’d have more fun in small places like this.”

“And good food,” Jin sighs, giving a thumbs-up to the chef. “Who’s up for seconds?” he asks, holding up his empty bowl. They laugh before Koki and Nakamaru hold up their empty bowls.

\--

Jin laughs hard as he stumbles into Ueda’s house a couple of hours later, the other four behind him pushing him inside.

“Oh God, I need to use the bathroom,” Koki hisses as he rushes away from them, _dashing_ towards the nearest bathroom.

Kame’s laughter is next to his ear—loud and hearty. He stumbles against Jin’s back; Taguchi has to pull Kame off Jin from behind to get him to stand upright again.

“We are _wasted_ ,” Nakamaru giggles before throwing himself on Ueda’s couch, face first and taking up all the space. Ueda swats at his legs before Nakamaru finally moves them, leaving Ueda to throw himself onto the little amount of space left. Taguchi and Kame take the other couch, Kame lying on Taguchi’s lap with a hand over his eyes. Jin’s left with the love seat, and when Koki comes back, he promptly sits on Jin’s lap, his head on Jin’s shoulder.

“What a way to start the holidays,” Jin snorts, resting his head back.

“Getting wasted is _always_ how I spend my holidays,” Koki says against Jin’s shoulder. 

“Merry Christmas indeed,” Ueda mumbles from the couch. 

“Shut up and just let me _sleep_ ,” Kame snaps. 

Taguchi laughs lightly. “Merry Christmas.”

All they hear from Nakamaru is his snoring, already fast asleep.

 

 

"But I'm not being insolent, I'm just a straightforward person." Wink Up ~ October 2006.


End file.
